


'Til it happens to you

by Jodym134



Category: Pitch Perfect (Movies)
Genre: Angst, F/F, Rape/Non-con Elements
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-21
Updated: 2020-10-11
Packaged: 2021-03-02 00:21:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 13
Words: 29,164
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23776030
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jodym134/pseuds/Jodym134
Summary: When she felt she caught her breath, she looked up into Chloe’s ocean blue eyes. They were not sparkling like they normally do, they were blood shot and puffy, and duller than usual. Beca broke down, launching herself into Chloe’s waiting embrace. ‘’He...He raped me Chlo.’’
Relationships: Chloe Beale/Beca Mitchell
Comments: 114
Kudos: 134





	1. Chapter 1

‘’Oh my god Beca, what the fuck happened?’’ She jumped from the sofa, ran towards her girlfriend and caught her just in time as Beca’s knees gave way. She lowered her gently to the floor, figuring it may be easier that trying to keep her upright. 

Beca’s lip and eyebrow were bleeding, her left eye already swollen and bruising. Her hair was a mess, her clothes were muddy and her face was stained with tear tracks. 

‘’Baby, can you tell me what happened?’’ Chloe tried to move closer to comfort the girlfriend but Beca flinched and tried to push herself away. 

Beca pulled her knees to her chest and buried her head. Her sobs were quiet but audible and they shook her entire body. The redhead just wanted to scoop her up in her arms and make whatever happened better. She leant forward and gently placed her hard on Beca’s arm.

‘’Don’t touch me.’’ The brunette snapped and her entire body went rigid as her shot eyes opened and she glared at Chloe. She could see the worry in the redheads eyes and immediately felt bad for snapping. ‘’Please don’t touch me Chlo, please.’’ she said in an almost whisper.

She slowly pulled her hand away from Beca. ‘’Ok babe I won’t touch you, but you need to tell me what happened.’’ 

Beca shook her head and immediately started to sob again. Chloe felt helpless. She simply had to sit there and watch her girlfriend breakdown.

When her sobs subsided to gentle hiccups, Chloe finally broke the silence.‘’If you don’t want to talk, that’s fine. But I’m going to come help you to the bathroom, and we’re going to get you in the bath Ok.’’

The brunette nodded in agreement and tried to drag herself to her feet. She was clearly in pain, as Chloe tried to help her up, she winced and cried out. They slowly made their way up the stairs and into the shared bathroom. Chloe gestured for Beca to sit on the closed toilet seat whilst she ran the bath. She turned the mixer tap so that the water was warm but not too hot. 

Once she was happy with the temperature of the running water., Chloe turned to look at Beca. ‘’I’m going to clean your face up ok? It’s going to sting but I don’t want it getting infected if we leave it.’’ Beca kept her eyes closed but nodded. She flinched slightly when Chloe placed her hand under her chin to lift it slightly. She noticed Beca’s movement and immediately withdrew from the touch. She soaked a cotton wool pad in antiseptic and gently dabbed it to the brunettes lip and then eyebrow to clean them. ‘’All done. Lets get you undressed and in the bath.’’

She opened her eyes and looked up at the redhead before getting herself to her feet and beginning to undress. She kept looking over her shoulder, noticing that Chloe was watching her. She was trembling whilst she undressed. From the way she ached, she knew that there had to be more bruises on her body than Chloe could see. She slowly reached down to remove her underwear and quickly screwed up all of clothe and placed them in the wash bin.

Chloe helped her balance as she shakily stepped into the bath. As she slid down into the water she gritted her teeth in pain. The heat of the water on her her grazed and bruised skin stung. 

‘’Shit, is it too hot? Here, I’ll put some more cold in.’’ Chloe leant across Beca to turn on the cold tap. She suddenly noticed the water had turned a reddish pink around Beca and she gasped. ‘’Baby, you’re bleeding.’’ She continued to stare at the water. 

Beca went rigid before pulling her legs up to her chest and wrapping her arms around them once more and busying her head into her forearms. ‘’Get out.’’

‘’No, Beca what the hell happened? Come on, talk to me please.’’ Chloe put her hand on Beca’s arm and stroked it. This was always her go to form of comfort towards Beca. It had been used so many times over the years. She knows that Beca isn’t always in the mood to be hugged, even if it is from Chloe. The one women who had broken down her barriers and diminished her need to not be touched. 

‘’GET THE FUCK OUT CHLOE’’ Beca screamed, almost in her face. 

The redhead was taken aback. Tears instantly fell from her eyes. She had never seen Beca look so angry and yet hurt all at the same time. She knew exactly what that meant, the bleeding. She had already guessed that Beca had been attacked, but clearly this was more. This was an assault. A sexual assault. Somebody had sexually assaulted her girlfriend and she didn’t know what to do.

‘’Chloe, Go. Please. Just...get me Aubrey. I want Aubrey.’’

Ok, she could do that. She could go wake Aubrey. Chloe was hurt that Beca wanted their friend rather than her, but she also just wanted to do whatever she could for her girlfriend. She jumped up off of the bathroom floor and wiped the tears off her face with the back of her hand. ‘’Ok, if that’s what you want.’’

She almost ran down the hall to Aubrey’s room and pounded her fist to her door. It was soon opened by a rather angry looking blonde. ‘’What the hell Chloe? You do realise it’s almost 2am. Ive got class in the morning.’’ 

Chloe launched herself into her friends arms and held onto her tightly as she broke down and cried ‘’Beca... Bathroom….Attacked…..Raped.’’ were the only words that Chloe coherently spoke between sobs.

Aubrey pulled Chloe away from her and held onto her shoulders. ‘’Calm down and repeat yourself please, I need to know I just heard you correctly.’’

The redhead took a deep breath to calm down before repeating herself. ‘’Beca wants you. She’s in the bathroom. She’s been attacked Bree and she’s got cuts and bruises and she’s bleeding.’’ Chloe closed her eyes and clenched her fists. ‘’I think she’s been raped.’’

Aubrey ran to the bathroom and paused in front of the closed door for a few seconds before knocking. Beca didn’t answer. ‘’Beca, It’s me. Can I come in?’’ 

It was barely audible but Aubrey heard her say yeah. Beca looked up at her as she peaked her head around the door before entering completely. She left the door open for Chloe who stepped in behind her. The blonde crouched down on the floor next to the bath and placed her hand on Beca’s shoulders. 

The Brunette looked into her eyes, she furrowed her brow and gave her a forced weak smile. She suddenly noticed Chloe standing by the door. Beca looked back to Aubrey as a tear escaped her eye. ‘’Please ask her to leave. I don’t want her to see this. Please.’’ She whispered but Aubrey could almost feel the fear in her tone. 

‘’Hey Chlo, why don’t you go downstairs and make some tea.’’

‘’No way, I’m staying here.’’

Aubrey stood up and stepped towards the redhead. ‘’Chloe, right now she needs you to leave. She doesn’t want you to see her like this. I promise, once she is cleaned up and out I will bring her to you. I’ll look after her ok.’’

Her tone was genuine, and Chloe knew that. She knew Aubrey would take care of Beca, and she kind of understood why Beca didn’t want to see her like that but it still hurt. It hurt that she couldn’t just take her girlfriend in her arms and make her feel better. It hurt that right now, someone else was comforting her. Someone else was seeing her at her most vulnerable and doing what Chloe should be doing. She listened though. She would do anything Beca asked her to, even if she didn’t like it. She went downstairs and filled the kettle. Whilst waiting for it to boil, she sat down at the kitchen island, head in her hands and she cried. She cried a lot. Tears for Beca. Tears because she hadn’t kept her safe after always promising that she would.

Back upstairs, Aubrey was helping Beca wash. She had so far simply poured some water over Beca’s body, using the cup from the toothbrush holder. She didn’t want to do anything too rough. She didn’t want to cause the brunette any more pain than she was clearly already in. ‘’Beca, I’m going to need to use some soap, to get the blood off your arms. Is that ok?’’ 

Beca nodded and continued staring at the wall in front of her. Subconsciously she had started digging her fingernails into her knee. She didn’t register she was even doing it until Aubrey gently pulled her hand away. Aubrey said nothing but continued cleaning Beca up as softly as she could. She poured some water over Beca’s hair but didn’t wash it. The water was starting to get colder and she needed to get the brunette out of the bath.

‘’Stay there, I’m just gonna go get you some fresh pyjamas.’’ She rushed out of the bathroom and into Beca and Chloe’s bedroom. She paced over to the dresser and grabbed a pair of sweatpants and a baggy tea, then to the bed side draw to get a pair of underwear. She got back to the bathroom as quickly as possible and held out a large white towel for Beca. ‘’Do you need help getting out?’’

Beca attempted to push herself up, but her arms were hurting. Her entire body was hurting. ‘’Please can you help?’’ It was barely above a whisper, and her tone sounded completely broken.

Aubrey threw the towel on the floor and stepped over towards Beca. She leant down and placed her hands under the brunettes arms and lifted her up to stand. She guided up out of the bath and immediately wrapped her in the largest bath towel they owned. ‘’I’m going to help you get dressed’’.

The brunettes eyes widened. ‘’No, its fine. It’s ok. I can...I can do it.’’ There was fear in her eyes again.

‘’Beca you can barely stand, please just let me help you.’’

Beca let out a sigh and nodded. She didn’t have the energy to protest. Aubrey helped her dry and as gently as possible slipped the tee over her head and guided her arms into the holes. Beca winced at the pain and tears were yet again sliding down her cheeks. She felt embarrassed when Aubrey got to her knees and helped her put her underwear on. She knew she was bleeding, she could feel it. Aubrey said nothing but before pulling her underwear up completely, she turned around, opened the bathroom cabinet and pulled out a sanitary pad. She unwrapped it and placed it in Beca’s underwear before wiping off the trickle of blood on her inner thigh with the towel and pulling the underwear up completely. Next she stepped into her sweatpants and Aubrey pulled them up for her. ‘’Thank you.’’ she whispered.

‘’Come on, lets get you in to bed. I’ll get Chloe to bring up some painkillers ok.’’

Beca nodded and was helped down the hall way, into her bedroom. She sat on the edge of the bed and stared at the closet door. She knew Aubrey had been speaking to her, but she couldn’t focus, she just continued staring. Chloe came upstairs at some point, although she doesn’t recollect when. It felt like time had just kind of stood still whilst she was stuck in her own head, in her own thoughts. 

It wasn’t until Chloe sat down next to her and placed a hand on her thigh that she registered her presence. The contact made her jump out of the thoughts flashing through her mind. ‘’Here babe, take these.’’ She heard and did as instructed but she couldn’t look her in the face. She just continued her gaze on the closet door. 

‘’Beca, what happened? When and where did it happen?’’ she heard from Aubrey.

The brunette closed her eyes shut tightly and shook her head. She couldn’t bring herself to speak even if she tried.

Chloe turned to Aubrey and gave her a questioning look. God she hated it when Beca was silent. She knew this was her way of dealing with with things, really shit things, but it didn’t make it any easier to witness. ‘’Baby, do you know which asshole did this to you? We need to call this into the police’’

Beca opened her eyes but didn’t make eye contact. She was visibly shaking and her breathing had become more rapid. Both Chloe and Aubrey noticed immediately. ‘’Shit’’ was all Chloe could say.

‘’I….I…...I Can’t…….Breathe’’ She gasped between words, trying to reach out her hand to Chloe

Chloe immediately grabbed it with both hands and squeezed it. She got down onto her knees in front of her girlfriend, not letting go of her hand, and pushed her chin up gently to make eye contact. Beca instantly looking everywhere but the redheads eyes. ‘’Beca look at me. I need you to take some deep breaths for me ok. In through your mouth and out through your nose for the count of five. Like this ok.’’ And she started breathing deep, waiting for Beca to do the same. ‘’You’re gonna be fine. I promise.’’

Beca’s breathing evened out after a short while. When she felt she caught her breath, she looked up into Chloe’s ocean blue eyes. They were not sparkling like they normally do, they were blood shot and puffy, and duller than usual. Beca broke down, launching herself into Chloe’s waiting embrace. ‘’He...He raped me Chlo.’’


	2. chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the comments so far guys. Always up for constructive criticism too. I have several chapters already written so will get those up in due course.

‘’He...He raped me Chlo.’’

Chloe held her whilst she broke down. She rocked her, she stroked her arms, she stroked her hair. She didn’t know what else to do. If there even was anything she could do, to make any of this better for her girlfriend. So she held her. She held her until her sobs subsided. Until her breathing evened out and the grip she had on Chloe’s shirt eased a little.

‘’Beca, we need to take you to the hospital ok? You really need to get checked out.’’ Aubrey spoke softly from across the room.

Chloe was so wrapped up in her own thoughts and in attempting to calm Beca that she almost forgotten that their friend was still there. ‘’She’s right babe’’.

Beca shook her head and pulled away from Chloe’s embrace. ‘’No, I’m not going’’. She had tensed up. Her hands fisted and her eyes shut tight.

Chloe tried to hold her hands but the brunette pulled them away from her touch. ‘’Babe, you really should get checked out.’’ Her tone was almost desperate. She couldn’t understand why her girlfriend was refusing. She was clearly in pain. She was clearly hurt. Surely she should want to seek medical attention. Get a rape kit done. ‘oh crap, I made her get in the bath, what if it washed away ‘evidence’’ she thought to herself.

‘’I said I’m not going.’’ The brunette snapped. Eyes glaring up at her girlfriend. ‘’You can’t make me.’’ 

‘’You’re right, we can’t force you, but Beca, you were..’’ Aubrey audible gulped. ‘’...you were raped and you are bleeding. This isn’t something you can just ignore.’’ Her voice was stern but quiet. She knew she wouldn’t get anywhere by being too tough. If there was anything she knew about the brunette, it was that she hated being forced to do anything, and would more than likely pull away if made to feel that way. Sometimes she just needed a bit of gentle persuasion. 

‘’Babe, come on, do it for me. Please?’’ Chloe knew her comment was kind of selfish. Almost like she was guilting Beca into going to the emergency room, but normally, her girlfriend would do anything for her, and quite simply she was out of any other ideas to persuade her to go. 

Something snapped in Beca. An anger not even herself had imagined she would ever portray. Her blood was boiling, her temper seething. ‘’For you? Are you shitting me? This isn’t like going to the shop to pick up fucking ice cream. I already told you...I’M NOT FUCKING GOING.’’ Beca stood up from the bed, clearly in pain as she gritted her teeth and let out out a small gasp. 

‘’Where are you going?’’ Chloe asked. 

‘’I’m sleeping on the couch, I wanna be on my own.’’

‘’No you’re not, you’re clearly in pain. You need to sleep in the bed.’’

‘’Fine, you go sleep on the couch then.’’ The brunette promptly grabbed Chloe’s pillow and virtually threw it at her. She crawled back onto the bed, laid down slowly and turned over to face the wall. ‘’I’m tired. You both need to go.’’

Chloe looked over to Aubrey with tears in her eyes. She looked and felt completely deflated. She wanted to shout and scream at Beca. She wanted to shake her. She wanted her to just let her in, let her hold her and comfort her. She wanted her to talk, she wanted her go to the hospital and get checked. More than anything, she wanted to wake up in the morning and for this to all have just been a super shitty dream. 

Aubrey motioned for her across the room. ‘’Come on Chlo, she just needs time. If you push her she’s going to recoil.’’

Aubrey was right. As always. Chloe let out a sigh as she looked back to her girlfriend. The tiny curled up body in the middle of the bed, so helpless and broken. God it killed her to see her like this. 

They both made their way out of the bedroom, closing the door softly as they did. Aubrey offered for Chloe to sleep in her room, she was tempted to decline, but the couch was downstairs and it meant she would be further away from Beca. At least if she bunked up with Aubrey, she was in the next room and would hear her if she needed anything. 

Sleep didn’t come easy for any of them that night. Beca led in bed, head going over everything that had happened. Replaying it time and time again. Questioning if she was to blame. If she had said or done something for him to have done this to her. If she had led him on. There were tears. Body shaking sobs. 

Chloe heard it all. She was desperate to go back in their bedroom and check on Beca. Aubrey had stopped her though. Multiple times. She had told Chloe to just give her girlfriend space and time. Not something Chloe was used to. 

Beca gave up attempting to sleep when she heard Aubrey getting up and ready for her morning class. Her body was stiff and aching. She forced herself out of bed to go to the loo after hearing the front door click shut. She peeked out of the bedroom door, hoping to avoid Chloe. The coast was clear. She walked as quickly as she could down the hall way, although it really wasn’t quick at all. Every step she took made her pelvis feel like it was burning, her body so tense that her strides were rigid and robotic. Just as she opened the bathroom door, she heard a floor board creak. She turned around to be met by a set of sad eyes. She quickly turned back around and stepped into the bathroom, shutting and locking the door behind her. 

Chloe tapped on the door but got no answer. ‘’Baby are you ok?’’ 

The brunette rolled her eyes as she sat down on the toilet. Of course she wasn’t ok. Why did Chloe keep asking her that stupid fucking question. 

‘’Come on Bec, open the door. I just...I just want to talk to you.’’

Beca ignored it. She didn’t want to see Chloe right now. Or more to the point, she didn’t want Chloe to see her. She didn’t want the sympathetic look. She didn’t want her to touch her. She didn’t want her to see her in pain. This isn’t what Chloe signed up for. 

‘’Please leave me alone.’’ is all Beca could whisper before she once again broke down in silent tears. 

Beca stayed locked in the bathroom until she was sure that Chloe had gone. She lost all sense of time, she could have been in there for five or forty five minutes for all she knew. She cleaned herself up and splashed some water in her face before heading back to the bedroom. Back onto the bed. Back to facing the wall and simply staring at it. She ignored the door every time Chloe knocked at it or spoke to her through it and pretended to be asleep when Chloe brought her in some lunch. The only time she moved was when she needed painkillers, but the moment she swallowed them, she returned to her spot.

The same routine went on for days, almost a week. Ignoring everything around her. Aubrey had tried several times to get her to talk but had no luck. Both Aubrey and Chloe’s concern was growing. She wasn’t speaking a single word now, not even to tell them to go away. The only time Beca left her room was to pee. She hadn’t showered. Hadn’t brushed her teeth or her hair. She had barely even touched any of the food Chloe brought up to her. She was a mess. 

‘’Right that’s it Mitchell. You need to get your ass up and in that shower, you stink.’’ On day seven, Aubrey finally decided it was time for a little tough love. Not because she didn’t understand why Beca was acting the way she was, but because she was scared of where Beca could go to mentally if she continued down this path. ‘’Don’t think I wont pick you up and chuck you in there myself.’’

Beca didn’t move. She didn’t even acknowledge Aubrey’s existence. Not even a glare of disapproval. 

‘’Right, don’t say I didn’t warn you.’’ The blonde walked over the bed, yanked off the comforter and leant over to pull Beca up.

Beca barely had time to realise what was going on before the blonde had her hauled over her shoulder and carrying her out of the bedroom. She started to scream once reality hit her. Her legs and arms flailing, her fists punching into Aubrey’s back.

The high pitched screams caught Chloe’s attention immediately and she ran up the stairs as fast as her legs would take her. ‘’Bree, put her down. Put her down.’’

Turning to see the concern on Chloe’s face, she gently placed Beca on her feet. The brunette’s legs gave way instantly and she slid down the wall, arms grabbing at her knees to make herself as small as she possibly could. Her breaths were short and sharp, her whole body trembling as she began rocking.

‘’Aubrey, what the hell were you thinking?’’ Chloe shouted as she dropped to her knees in front of her girlfriend. She knew not to touch her. She knew it would only make it worse. ‘’Beca, baby? You need to try and breathe ok. Deep slow breaths.’’

‘’Shit, Chlo, I didn’t think.’’

‘’You didn’t think? She was attacked and raped Aubrey or are you forgetting that?’’ Her voice was low and seeping in anger. ‘’Fuck….Right, Beca? I’m going to sit next to you. I want you to put your hand on my chest, so you can feel my breathing and try to copy it. Is that ok?’’

Beca nodded lightly. It was barely a movement but Chloe took it as a yes. She manoeuvred her body so that she was lightly pressed against the brunette. She gently picked up Beca’s hand and placed it on her chest, not letting go of it with her own, and took some deep breaths. It took a minute or so but Beca’s breathing finally started to even out. The panic attack had taken so much energy out of her that once her body relaxed slightly, she passed out, wrapped in Chloe’s arms that she hadn’t even noticed she was enveloped in. 

‘’Should we wake her and get her into bed, this can’t be comfortable for either of you?’’ Aubrey asked in a whisper. Her eyes were still full of apologetic remorse. She cursed herself for being so stupid. 

‘’No, just….just go run her a warm bath and I’ll wake her up in a little bit. She’s clearly exhausted.’’

Aubrey did just that. She ran a bath and then made her way downstairs to knock up a batch of soup. Since Beca had barely eaten in a week, they were desperate for her to do so but didn’t want to give her anything too heavy. 

Beca woke in Chloe’s arms around fifteen minutes later. She tensed and tried to remove herself from Chloe’s embrace. The redhead loosened her grip but didn’t let go. Beca looked up at her, looking completely confused. ‘’Wha-What happened?’’

‘’You had a panic attack and kinda fell asleep. I’m not going to ask you any questions, but I would really appreciate if you could come get in the bath. I don’t have to stay with you, but I will be just outside the door if you need me.’’ 

The brunette nodded and stood up slowly, holding on to the wall for stability as she walked the few steps to the bathroom. She stepped inside and closed the door behind her before removing her clothes and lowering herself into the bath. Aubrey was right, she did stink. 

Chloe waited outside the door, her ear was virtually pressed right up against it trying to hear what was happening inside. She almost jumped in the air when she felt a hand on her shoulder. Aubrey had crept up the stairs not wanting to interrupt. She told the redhead she was going to go change the bed sheets and open the curtains and a window to air the bedroom out, and that the soup was on the stove keeping warm if her or Beca wanted any. 

‘’Chlo?’’ Beca called quietly. ‘’Chloe, can...can you, ummm, come, ummm, wash my hair….please.’’

Chloe was in the bathroom immediately. She glanced over to Beca before grabbing the toothbrush cup and pulling the shampoo and conditioner out of the cabinet. She leant down on the floor next to the bath and looked up to see Beca looking into her eyes with a sad smile on her face. She filled the cup up with the bath water and motioned for her girlfriend to lean her head backwards. She poured the water over her hair before gently massaging in the shampoo. 

Chloe could still make out the bruises on her neck and upper chest, they were no longer black but a more yellowy tinge. It broke her heart to see them. To know someone could hurt Beca at all, let alone like that. She had to push the thoughts to the back on her mind though, she knew if she didn’t she would start questioning again and she was aware that that hadn’t helped a single bit over the last week. 

‘’Thank you.’’ Beca whispered once her hair was fully washed. 

The redhead smiled at her and leant forward, placing a hand on her right cheek and placing a gentle kiss on the other. Beca immediately jerked away at the touch and froze.

‘’Baby, I’m sorry I shouldn’t have done that.’’ 

Beca shook her head and attempted to relax again. ‘’No, I’m sorry, it’s me who should be sorry.’’

‘’You do not apologise about this, ever.’’ Chloe looked deep into her eyes, trying to make her believe her. ‘’Come on, lets get you out and dressed in fresh clothes. Are you hungry? Bree made soup.’’

Beca really didn’t feel like eating but she couldn’t deny that her stomach hadn’t been rumbling for days. She could see the desperation in Chloe’s eyes, she knew she was trying to help her, so once she was dried and dressed, she did make her way downstairs. 

‘’Beca, I’m so sorry about earlier. I’m so stupid.’’ Aubrey had tears in her eyes and guilt coursing through her entire being. This was yet again another example of her ‘tough love’ not working in anybody’s favour. 

Beca hated that they had seen her so vulnerable, and she didn’t want to bring it up again, so she just attempted to change the subject.‘’Umm, I hear there is some soup.’’

All three girls sat at the kitchen island, in virtual silence after Chloe had served them all up some soup. 

Beca managed around half of it. More than she thought she would. She felt sick, probably from having hardly eaten for a week. The quietness was a bit awkward but the brunette was just glad they weren’t firing questions at her. She really didn’t have the energy. ‘’I’m umm, I’m coming back to rehearsals tomorrow.’’ 

Both of the other girls looked at each other in confusion. ‘’No, Beca, that’s really not a good idea. You’re still healing.’’ 

‘’I need some normality. I need to just be doing something.’’ she replied, not daring to look up at either of them. 

There was a minute of silence before Chloe finally spoke. ‘’Ok, but I will drive us there and back. Oh and the Bellas think you fell down the stairs at work which is why you haven’t been there. If you’re coming back, you’re on light duties. If you’re in any pain or discomfort, you stop immediately. I’m not saying this to be a bitch, I am just trying to look after you ok.’’

Beca nodded and got up to put their bowls in the sink. She knew Chloe cared and just wanted to protect her. She was momentarily annoyed that Chloe was being so bossy, but if she wanted to be allowed to rehearse then she would have to do as Chloe asked. 

Aubrey disappeared upstairs after they ate lunch, leaving Chloe and Beca alone in the lounge. Beca was sat curled up on the couch and Chloe on the arm chair. They were watching some crappy reality television program. Well neither of them were really watching it. The brunette sat staring into space, caught up in her own mind again and the redhead was sneaking glances at her more than regularly. 

Beca was pulled out of her thoughts when she heard a door upstairs close shut. It wasn’t loud or slammed but it made her jump slightly. She tried to play it off in the hopes the her girlfriend hadn’t noticed. The brunettes eyes scanned the room looking for a distraction. She noticed the comforter and pillows on the edge of the couch. She felt guilty that she had kicked Chloe out of their bedroom. ‘’Hey Chlo?’’

‘’Mmhmm’’.

‘’You should sleep back in the bed tonight.’’ Her voice was quiet and laced with guilt. 

‘’I mean, only if you want me to. Like, are you ok with me sleeping in bed with you?’’ 

Reality was, Beca had actually meant that she would switch places. But when she saw the small smile on Chloe’s face and the way her eyes lit up every so slightly, she didn’t have the guts to tell her otherwise. She still wasn’t comfortable with Chloe seeing her like this, so broken down and helpless. She didn’t feel like she deserved someone like Chloe. Someone who today had eased her down from a panic attack, someone who knew her well enough to give her the space she needed or wanted right now, someone who cared for her so much that she had slept on the couch for the past week, even though it was the worst thing ever to sleep on, just to make sure that Beca was comfortable. Someone who simply loved her, even when she felt like damaged goods.

The rest of the day went by without a hitch. They ate dinner together whilst Aubrey was out at the library, well, Beca hardly ate, more pushed it around her plate but she was present whilst Chloe ate. They talked about music, and the bellas, anything other than what had happened to Beca a week ago. There were awkward silences and stolen glances. Both were exhausted and called it a night around 10pm. Beca went off to the bathroom to get changed and Chloe changed in their bedroom. She tried not to take it to heart that Beca wasn’t comfortable changing in front of her right now, but she understood. 

They both led in bed, rigid and straight. It was awkward. Every time Chloe adjusted, Beca would flinch. ‘’Here.’’ Chloe said. ‘’Put these in between us.’’ She passed her two pillows to place down the length of the bed to separate the two of them, hoping it would make Beca more comfortable if she didn’t feel Chloe touching her unintentionally, especially during the night when she was asleep. Chloe wanted nothing more than to simply wrap her arms around Beca and hold her tightly, but she would try her best to make her as comfortable as possible. 

‘’Hey babe?’’ The redhead whispered shortly after turning off the light. 

‘’Yeah?’’

‘’I know you don’t want to at the moment, but umm, when you’re ready to talk. I’m gonna be here ok? I’m always gonna be here.’’


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a flash back chapter. Trigger warning: Physical and sexual assault. I wont be going into masses of detail, but please skip if it is a trigger of any sort. 
> 
> Also, would just like to thank you guys for the comments so far. Reviews make me happy :)

‘’I know you don’t want to at the moment, but umm, when you’re ready to talk. I’m gonna be here ok? I’m always gonna be here.’’ 

Beca didn’t feel like she would ever be ready. It night haunted her every time she closed her eyes. Every time she fell asleep, she relived it. She relived it over and over again, saw his face, every single little detail, she felt the pain every single time. It was torturing her. 

Now with Chloe asleep next to her, the sound of her heavy breathing, the floral scent of her perfume, the warmth she always radiated, Beca hoped that maybe for the first time in a week, her brain would ease up on her. 

It didn’t.

//////////

It was a normal evening. Beca finished work at the radio station at around 10pm, handing over to Jesse who was taking the night shift. They chatted for a short while before Beca left to make her way home.

It was dark out but there were a few street lights to light her way. She busied herself on her phone, checking through her social media. She smiled to herself when she had seen that Chloe posted a photo of herself holding a mug of hot chocolate, blowing the steam away with her eyes closed. The smile on her face made Beca’s heart flutter. She felt like the luckiest person in the world. Her girlfriend was beautiful, inside and out. She commented with a single ‘heart eyes’ emoji face.

She could hear foot steps behind her but hadn’t really taken notice of it. She passed people on her way home quite often. After a minute or so, she took a look behind her and noticed that the guy was almost right behind her. She turned back around and attempted to quicken her steps. She didn’t want to make it look too obvious that she was trying to fasten her pace because for all she knew, he was just going in the same direction as her.

‘’Hey beautiful.’’ He said as he came up right behind her, making her jump a little. 

‘’Oh, umm, hi?’’ Her eyebrow furrowed. Did she know him? She definitely didn’t recognise his face, but Barden was huge and she had classes with lots of people she didn’t know and probably wouldn’t recognise outside of the classroom. 

He stepped in front of her, stopping her from walking any further. ‘’Where are you going?’’ 

‘’Home.’’ She felt incredibly uneasy and it sounded in her voice. She didn’t realise one word could sound so shaky. She quickly shoved her phone back into her pocket in fear that he was trying to distract her in order to snatch her phone and run.

‘’You could always come home with me.’’ 

She scrunched her nose and raised her eyebrows. What was this guy thinking? Was he attempting to flirt? Who in there right mind just goes up to someone on the street and says shit like that? She just felt even more uncomfortable.

‘’No thanks.’’ She tried to step round him to continue her journey but he followed her direction and stopped her.

‘’Don’t act shy.’’ He whispered as he took hold of her arm and rubbed his hand up and down it.

The contact made Beca squirm. God she hated people touching her. Well anyone except Chloe. ‘’Just fuck off.’’ Her voice was raised and warning. He didn’t stop, in fact he stepped closer into her space and stilled his hand on her elbow, staring into her eyes. 

What felt like several minutes passed, although it was probably more like second. His grip on her elbow was getting tighter and she could feel his breath on her face. There was definitely a hint of alcohol and cigarettes.

‘’I said fuck off.’’ She shouted as she pulled out of his grip and shoved into him. He was easily twice her size if not bigger. He barely moved. She heard him let out an aggressive sigh milliseconds before she felt the force of him grabbing her by her chin as he pushed her back into a wall a few steps away.

She attempted to shout and scream. She attempted to push him away, even kick him. But he was much stronger than her. He clasped his hand to her mouth to keep her quiet. ‘’Shut the fuck up’’. His voice was barely above a whisper but he sounded angry. 

Beca was trembling. She momentarily froze in fear until something snapped in her. She sunk her teeth into the hand he had over her mouth. He shouted a moan at the pain then immediately slapped her around the face with the back of his hand. 

The slap knocked her off balance, causing her to fall back into the wall and hit her head against it. She pulled her hand up to her cheek to clutch at it, she could feel the tears prickling at the back of her eyes. It stung like a bitch. 

She looked up him, noticing the small smirk he wore and a glint of something she couldn’t place in his eyes. It was almost a mix of anger and determination. She tried to break free again, only for him to slam his forearm into her chest and pin her back up into the wall. It knocked the air out of her lungs. She tried to scream again, but his hand was over her mouth before any sound came out. The tears prickling in the back of her eyes were now pushing forward and threatening to spill.

She blinked furiously, begging herself not to let them, not to show him how scared she really was. He pushed his forearm even tighter into her chest, leaving Beca gasping to catch a full breath. She could feel her entire body trembling. She thought he was going to kill her. 

‘I’m gonna die. He’s actually trying to fucking kill me’, were the only thoughts swimming through her mind. 

She tried to resist his force of movement, she wasn’t strong enough though. He dragged her around the side of the wall that separated a block of apartments and a large grassed area that led to a childrens playground. She could hear him talking to her but it felt so distant, like there was cotton wool in her ears. She just couldn’t process it. 

It wasn’t until he shoved her to the ground and she held her hands over her face that she realised that she was crying. The tears were flowing fast down her already stinging cheek and she attempted to swipe them away as fast as she could. He stood over her and watched as she tried desperately to get back up to her feet. 

‘’Stay the fuck down you fucking whore’’. His words were venomous. Hate filled. She visibly shuddered. Whore? How the hell was she a whore. She had slept with a grand total of four people. Two of which had been whilst she had been at college. He didn’t even know her. She didn’t know him. 

‘’Fuck you.’’ She screeched, seconds before feeling a sharp kick to her ribs. She doubled over in pain, rolling over into a fetal position and cradling her side with her arm. Fresh tears tracking down her cheeks. She’d never felt pain quite like it. 

It wasn’t long before she felt his breath on her face again. He was practically on top of her. She clenched her eyes shut, feared what she would see if she opened them. He grabbed her hair and forced her back onto her back. She still kept her eyes shut tight. And then she felt his lips on hers. Wet and forceful. She desperately tried to move her head from side to side, to avoid his mouth near hers. His grip on her hair tightened. Yanking it with every movement she attempted to make. 

His other hand started wondering over her body. She squirmed underneath him. Her arms pushing against him, trying with all her might to get him off of her. ‘’Stop. Please stop. Please’’. It was barely whispered through her sobs. 

Beca felt his hand reach down and grab her crotch. Her body jolted away from the touch, but it didn't move far enough. He continued grabbing at her, pulling at her clothes, hands sliding up and down her thighs, across her stomach and up her ribs. His wandering mouth roaming over her face, his hand tightening in her hair. 

She felt him reach for the button on her jeans and undo it. The noise around her cancelled out completely so that she could only hear the ‘click click click’ of the zipper. She felt him clumsily tug at her jeans and shift his entire body to pull them right down. 

She knew what was coming. She froze. He moved away from her but she couldn’t move. Couldn’t even flinch as he unzipped his own pants. Instantly, he was back on top of her. She attempted to clamp her thighs together, desperate to keep him from doing what she knew was evidently going to happen. 

And it did happen. It happened and she couldn’t do anything to stop it. The tears escaped her hooded eyes. The more she tried to move, the more forceful he became. His hands wrapped around her throat and squeezed tighter with every whimper or cry that escaped her mouth. Beca honestly thought she was going to die. That this was going to be the end of her life. 

Its true what they say, your life does flash before your eyes. Not like in the movies when people re-live what they’ve already done, but for Beca, it was a flash of what life should or could hold for her. Her life with Chloe. The life they had so frequently discussed. Buying a house. Getting married. Adopting a child or two, because there were already so many children in the world that just needed a loving home. The career she hoped for. The people she would meet. 

He squeezed so tightly on her throat as he came inside her, that she blacked out. She would never know how long she was out for, but when she did eventually wake, he was gone. Her entire body hurt and it took every bit of energy she had left to pull her jeans back on and get to her feet. One shoe was by her side, the other about thirty feet away. Her legs were wobbly and her head was pounding. 

Adrenaline must have kicked in at some point because Beca found herself running, regularly looking over her shoulder. She didn’t know how it was possible that her legs were even carrying her so fast, but she was grateful. Her heart was racing and vision blurry, but she eventually made it back to the house. Shakily she opened the door, barely stepping inside before Chloe is at her side, face full of fear. 

////////////

She always wakes at that part. The part where she sees the fear in Chloe’s eyes. The part where the sparkle no longer exists in the normal bright blue eyes that she is used to. She wakes, jolting up in bed, sweating and shaking, her heart feeling like it is going to jump out of her chest. Her breathing heavy and short as she pulls her body in on itself, bringing her knees to her chest, burying her head in the arms that are wrapped around her legs and rocking.

Except for the first time since it happened, she isn’t alone. Chloe is awake immediately and trying to ease her out of her panic attack. Talking Beca through it, placing the brunettes hand on her chest to get her to copy her breathing and wrapping her arms and legs around Beca to ease her rocking, a tactic she learnt early on in their relationship when Beca was going through a particularly stressful time. It worked eventually. It always worked. 

‘’It’s ok baby.’’ Chloe reassured her. ‘’You’re safe. I’ve got you.’’

Beca didn’t retreat from Chloe’s hold. In fact, she clung to the redheads night shirt and, buried her head into her shoulder sobbed into vibrant red hair. ‘’I...I just want it to go away Chlo.’’


	4. Chapter 4

Beca didn’t retreat from Chloe’s hold. In fact, she clung to the redheads night shirt and, burying her head into her shoulder, sobbed into vibrant red hair. ‘’I...I just want it to go away Chlo.’’

‘’I know baby. I know.’’ The redhead ran her hand up and down her girlfriends back. She didn’t know what else to do to attempt to soothe her. 

Beca’s sobs continued. Every time she felt herself calm slightly, her brain went into overdrive again, going over everything that happened that night. She felt dirty, used, damaged. She hated herself. She hated herself for not fighting harder to get away from him. She hated herself for not being able to run from him. 

Chloe loosened her grip but didn’t move away when the brunettes sobs eventually started to subside. She placed her finger gently under her girlfriends chin and lifted it so she could look into her eyes. She moved her hand and placed her palm on the brunettes cheek, wiping the tears away with the pad of her thumb. ‘’I’m so sorry this happened Bec. What can I do to help?’’ It was barely above a whisper, but loud enough for Beca to hear. 

‘’I-I...I don’t know Chlo.’’ 

Chloe hated this. She hated seeing her girlfriend so broken and not knowing what she could do to help ease any of this for her. From the beginning of their relationship, Chloe had been Beca’s one form of comfort, the only person that the brunette let in and opened up to. The redhead always seemed to know what to say to comfort Beca, but right now, she was at a loss. She’d never been through this or known of anyone close to her who had. 

‘’I...I.’’ Beca took a sharp juddering breath and looked up into Chloe’s eyes. ‘’I asked him to stop. I did. I asked him to stop.’’ She pulled the back of her hand up to mouth in an attempt to muffle the sob that escaped from her throat. The fresh tears brimming in the corners of her eyes, starting to sting. ‘’It’s my fault...I couldn’t get him off. If I’d fought harder, then he couldn’t have done it.’’

Chloe instantly felt like something had been stabbed in her gut and twisted. She couldn’t comprehend how her girlfriend could ever blame herself for this. She withdrew her arms that were wrapped around the brunette, so quickly it made Beca jump slightly. ‘’Whoa, stop! You are not to blame for this. The only person to blame is the arsehole that r-r’’ She couldn’t bring herself to say it. ‘’that attacked you.’’ 

There was silence between them. Beca was unable to look at her girlfriend, she stared over to the dresser, concentrating on her makeup bag to keep herself from crying again. 

The redhead hesitated for a couple of minutes but there was one question she was desperate to know the answer to. Whilst Beca, although quiet, was speaking more than she had all week, she pushed her luck and asked her. ‘’Bec, do you, ummm, do you know who did this to you?’’. 

Beca shook her head, still not making eye contact. An hour or so passed with Chloe asking a few more questions and Beca answering when she felt she could. The redhead knew her girlfriend enough not to pressure her into telling her anything she wasn’t comfortable with. Eventually Beca laid back down on her pillow and fell asleep, Chloe stayed awake until she knew for sure that her girlfriend was sleeping. 

///////  
Beca returned to Bellas rehearsals the following day. Chloe was adamant that she would drive them but the brunette insisted they walked. It was the first time she had stepped outside the house since the attack. Nerves kicked in the moment she stepped out of their front door, palms sweating, legs visibly trembling. True to word, Chloe was right by her side. Reaching out a hand for Beca to take if she wanted, but not pushing her to. 

The redhead led the way, taking their time. They’d left with plenty of time to spare as Beca had asked to go the long way round. Chloe assumed why, but didn’t question it. She just wanted to make her girlfriend feel as comfortable as she possibly could given the circumstances. 

They arrived about ten minutes early to rehearsals. Chloe stopped before she pressed down on the door handle and turned round to face the brunette. ‘’You sure you’re ready for this?’’ She asked, giving Beca’s hand a gentle squeeze.

Beca took a deep breath in through her nose and exhaled from her mouth. She shook out her hand that wasn’t in Chloe’s, hyping herself a little. ‘’Yep, lets do this.’’. 

She wasn’t sure. She wasn’t sure she was ready to face all of her friends. She wasn’t sure she was physically ready to be dancing the routines. Her ribs still hurt a lot whenever she made any sudden movements, her body ached from how tense she had been over the last week. She wasn’t sure she was ready for any of her friends questions. She hated lying, but she knew that there would be quite a bit of that happening. The only thing she was sure about, was that she wanted the distraction. She needed it. She needed things to just be as normal as possible, even if only for a couple of hours. 

When they entered the building, Stacie was already there, sitting on a chair, fiddling with her phone. She looked up when she heard the door click shut. A bright white toothy smile stretched across her face when she saw Beca. ‘’Yay, you’re back.’’ She stood up and quickly made her way over to her friends, wrapping the smaller brunette in a hug, making Beca wince in pain. ‘’Shit, sorry. I totally forgot. You’re so bloody clumsy Bec.’’ 

The smaller brunette furrowed her brows at the comment before remembering that Chloe and Aubrey told them all that she had fallen down the stairs. ‘’Oh, yeah. Well you know what I’m like.’’

It wasn’t long before all the Bella’s arrived. There was a lot of chatter, and questions. Each telling Beca they were glad she was back. Amy especially glad that Beca had returned. When Aubrey was going through the plan of action for rehearsal, Amy leant over and whispered to Beca. ‘’Glad you’re back short stack. Least now someone might stand up to Lady Hitler over there’’. Tilting her head in Aubrey’s direction, making Beca smile as she shook her head in amusement.

The two hour rehearsal was exhausting. Chloe had pulled Beca to one side more times than necessary, checking if she was really ok to be there. She had watched her girlfriend flinch whenever someone brushed past her, and watched her face screw up in pain when doing certain dance moves. Beca assured the redhead that she was fine and just wanted to get on with it. So Chloe had let her continue, but kept a close eye. 

Although uncomfortable and largely quieter than usual, Beca was glad to be out of the house and attempting a little normality. Quietly laughing at the Bellas antics and jokes, it was a mild distraction that she was so desperate for. 

The following couple of weeks went much the same. Nightmares, sleepless nights, the distraction of Bellas rehearsals. Chloe had been insistent on either herself or Aubrey walking Beca to and from every class or rehearsal. She rolled her eyes at it every time but she really was grateful for the security of it.

Life at home was quiet. Beca had busied herself in mixing new music. Another great distraction. She still tried to spend time with Chloe, always made the effort to eat dinner with her. She made it seem like her appetite had come back at full force, but reality was, if she was stuffing her face, it meant less time having to find something to talk about. 

////////

Beca was sat at the dining table, busy on her laptop, big headphones over her ears with music pumping through them. 

Without thinking, Chloe walked behind Beca and tapped her on the shoulder, trying to get her attention. Beca jumped out of the chair, ripping her headphone cord from the laptop, tears instantly brimming in her eyes as she came to realisation that it was Chloe behind her.

‘’Shit babe, I’m so sorry.’’ 

Beca raised one hand, palm facing towards Chloe as she closed her eyes and took a deep breath. ‘’It’s fine. Don’t worry.’’ She whispered before re-opening her eyes. She noticed the look in Chloe’s eyes, the look of guilt. She hated that she just caused that. Made her girlfriend feel guilty for doing something so normal. She cleared her throat before speaking again. ‘’Something smells good, what you cooking?’’

The redhead puffed out a breath she hadn’t realised she was holding. ‘’Oh, ummm, yeah. It’s just carbonara. It’s ready though if you’re hungry.’’

Beca nodded and followed Chloe to the kitchen, getting all three of them a bottle of water from the fridge before joining Aubrey at the island. Chloe served them all up their dinner and placed a bowl of salad down to go with it. ‘’Mmmm my favourite.’’ Beca stated, smiling over to her girlfriend.

They chatted about the Bellas and upcoming events, about classes and anything else they thought of. Chloe re-enacting something funny that happened at the library whilst she was studying. Beca found her self joining in with a little chuckle.

Beca was grateful for the normalcy of it. She had eaten all of her pasta, which was more than she had eaten in one sitting recently. Suddenly her stomach started to churn and her mouth started to become watery. She knew what was about to happened and quickly excused herself with her hand over her mouth as she ran to the bathroom. She barely made it before vomit rose in her throat and emptied out into the toilet.

Both Chloe and Aubrey had followed her upstairs to the bathroom. Chloe desperate to go in and rub Beca’s back and keep her hair back whilst she threw up. She didn’t though, she didn’t want a repeat of what happened twenty minutes previous. They both just stood outside the door and waited for Beca to exit. 

When she eventually did come out of the bathroom, after brushing her teeth, Beca noticed the two women standing there, looking at her. ‘’I’m fine. Probably just something I ate.’’ she groaned. Then there was that guilty look in Chloe’s eyes again that Beca hated. ‘’No, not the pasta. Seriously Chlo, it must have been what I had this morning.’’

Aubrey gave Beca a quizative look. She had walked with Beca to class this morning and met her for lunch and all she had was a coffee on her way to class and a cheese salad bagel at lunch. Nothing likely to make her sick.

Chloe simply told her to go get into her pjs, get into bed and she would bring her up the puke bucket and a bottle of water. 

She wasn’t sick again that evening, in fact she felt perfectly fine but took the opportunity to have a relatively early night as she felt completely drained. Just as every night since the attack, she woke up in the early hours with a nightmare. Chloe was there to comfort her, whisper sweet nothings into her ear to calm her down and ease her back to sleep. She really did appreciate Chloe, even if she hadn’t been able to voice it just recently, even if she hated that she was putting her girlfriend through this. She was determined to get better, to get through this, just for the beautiful red head next to her. 

The weekend came and went much the same as all other days recently for the brunette. Taking any distraction she possibly could. Music, reading, and apparently several bouts of vomiting. It wasn’t much and she didn’t feel completely horrific, she had no fever, so put it down to being run down and exhausted. Her body always did funny things to her when she hadn’t slept. She once developed a twitch in high school when she had spent weeks getting little sleep on the run up to a big exam.   
It stopped the day after the exam when she had gone home and slept for fifteen hours straight. 

Chloe began to get worried, demanded she stay home and not got to their Saturday Bella rehearsal. Beca tried to argue with her. Tried to persuade her to let her go. She felt like her girlfriend was treating her like a child. The hissy fit she threw, made her look like one too. They argued about it. To be honest, it probably did them both some good to just shout. Get some of the pent up shit out of their system. Even if they weren’t actually saying what was really going on in either of their heads.

The argument soon subsided when Beca went to shout at Chloe, but instead heaved. She tried to swallow it down, desperately tried to keep the vomit from bubbling up in her throat. If she puked, it would make her argument invalid. But, she was not successful. She puked. All over Chloe’s shoes. 

‘’Eurgh. Well I guess that backs up my argument then. Stay home, clean this up and get some rest. I’ll explain to Aubrey.’’ Chloe’s tone was a little narky as she gave Beca an ‘I told you so’ look. She didn’t even give the brunette chance to argue before she stomped off to the bathroom to clean her feet off. 

A few hours later, Chloe still wasn’t home and Beca had begin to worry. Rehearsals was never more than two hours and the redhead had been gone for over three. She was pissed at Chloe but it still concerned her that she still wasn’t home. She always text if she was going to be late, but grabbing her phone to check, there wasn’t a single message or missed call. 

Deciding she had obviously pissed Chloe off enough already, she text Aubrey instead.

Beca: Hey Bree. Chloe with you?

Aubrey: No. She went out for Dinner with the girls. 

Aubrey: I’ll be home in 15. Need anything from the store?

Beca: No thanks.

Aubrey walked through the door, true to word, fifteen minutes later. She walked into the lounge to see Beca led down on the couch flicking through her phone. She took a paper bag out of her purse and gently threw it onto the brunettes chest. ‘’Hey.’’

‘’Hey yourself. What’s this?.’’ She asked picking up the bag and dangling it in the air. 

Aubrey took a deep breath and glared down at Beca whilst she looked into the bag. The brunettes eye brows furrowing instantly as she plucked out the plastic wrapped box. 

‘’What the fuck Bree?’’ she shouted, sitting up instantly and holding the box out to Aubrey, trying to shove it back at her.

’Beca, when was your last period? Have you had one since...you know?’’

‘’Yes...No….Shit, I can’t remember. I’m not pregnant Bree. No. I can’t be.’’


	5. chapter 5

Aubrey took a deep breath and glared down at Beca whilst she looked into the bag. The brunettes eye brows furrowing instantly as she plucked out the plastic wrapped box. 

‘’What the fuck Bree?’’ she shouted, sitting up instantly and holding the box out to Aubrey, trying to shove it back at her.

’Beca, when was your last period? Have you had one since...you know?’’

‘’Yes...No….Shit, I can’t remember. I’m not pregnant Bree. No. I can’t be.’’

Aubrey looked at Beca as the younger girl tried frantically to remember when she had her last period. She listened as Beca repeated over and over that she couldn’t be pregnant. She walked over to the couch and sat next to her. The blonde could see the panic rising in her friend and gently placed a hand on her back to try and calm her down. The movement caused Beca to flinch and stop her rambling mid sentence. ‘’Bec, calm down. Just take the test and we will go from there.’’

Beca stared down at the pregnancy test in her hands before dropping it onto the coffee table in front of her. They were visibly shaking, her entire body felt like it was trembling. With everything that had happened, the attack, the nightmares and anxiety, this was the last thing that Beca needed. ‘’I think like five or six weeks ago.’’ Beca whispered so quietly that Aubrey didn’t actually hear her. 

‘’Sorry?’’

Beca took a deep breath before repeating herself. ‘’Five or six weeks ago. My last period. It was like five or six weeks ago.’’ she said before burying her head in her hands and bursting into silent tears.

Aubrey nodded before picking up the pregnancy test box from the coffee table. ‘’Look, just take the test and we can go from there. Ok?’’

Beca stood from the couch on shaky legs and took the packet from Aubrey’s hand. She took a deep shuddery breath before making her way towards the stairs to go up to the bathroom. The bathroom that held some of the recent shitty memories. Of Chloe seeing her broken and damaged after the attack, of Aubrey cleaning her up in the bath, of the times she hid inside and cried because she didn’t want either of them to witness her breaking down yet again. 

The brunette entered the bathroom, locking the door behind her. She sat on top of the closed toilet lid and read the instructions for the test. ‘Just pee on the stick and wait three minutes’ she thought to herself. She zoned out for a while, thinking about the possibility of being pregnant. She wondered how Chloe would react, convinced that the redhead would break up with her instantly. She was already damaged good and didn’t know why Chloe still wanted her around, but getting pregnant would surely be the last straw. 

Taking what felt like the hundredth deep breath of the day, Beca unwrapped the pregnancy test from it’s wrapper and took it before she bottled out.

She heard a gentle knock at the bathroom door some time later that broke her out of her thoughts. ‘’Have you done it yet?’’

‘’Umm, yeah. I can’t look at it Bree.’’

There was silence for a few seconds before Aubrey attempted to open the door. ‘’Bec unlock the door.’’ Beca stretched her arm to unlock the door. 

Aubrey gently turned the handle when she heard the click of the lock and pushed the door open to see the brunette sat crossed legged in front of the toilet, the pregnancy test upside down on top of the closed toilet seat. ‘’How longs it been?’’ She asked as she sat down on Beca’s left side. 

‘’Uh, like five minutes.’’ Beca replied, still staring at the upside down test. ‘’Can you….can you look for me?’’ she asked now looking down at her hands and scratching at one of her finger nails. 

Aubrey gave a small smile as the brunette looked up at her and nodded. She visibly gulped before slowly picking up the test and looking at it. ‘’You know I’m here for you right? No matter what? And Chloe will be too. She loves you.’’ She took a deep breath as she placed the test over onto Beca’s knee. ‘’It’s positive.’’ 

The brunette slammed her eyes shut, pressed her head back against the wall behind her and clenched her hands into fists by her side. Tears instantly streaming from the corners of her closed eye and a tiny whimpering cry escaped her lips. She pounded both fists down onto the floor tiles as hard as she could and shouted ‘’Fuck’’ in a loud but low voice.

The blonde was shocked at the sound that came from her friend. She knew it must of hurt with how hard she hands went into the floor. Just as Beca pulled her hands up again, Aubrey quickly manoeuvred herself so she could grab both of the brunettes wrists and stop her from hurting herself further. She knew the contact wouldn’t be welcomed from Beca but she didn’t see any other way to stop her. As Beca’s eyes flicked open and stared right into her own, Aubrey could see the pain in them. She could see how scared she was. 

Beca’s breathing became erratic. The sharp intake of breath that barely came out as Beca struggled to exhale and her fists clenching even harder. Aubrey knew this had just transpired into a full blown panic attack. She knew she had to tread carefully right now. With everything Beca had been through in the last few weeks, she knew she couldn’t just wrap her in a hug and try to ease her out of it. Luckily she had witnessed Chloe bring Beca down from a panic attack more times that she cared to count recently so tried to mirror the redheads actions. 

She gently stroked up and down Beca’s arms. ‘’It’s gonna be ok Beca. I promise.’’ When that wasn’t making much of a difference, she gently took the brunettes hand in her own and placed it it the centre of her chest. Beca tried to pull her hand away slightly, but Aubrey wouldn’t let her. She wasn’t forceful by any means but she kept her hand in her own. ‘’Breathe. Just like I’m doing. Can you copy it?’’

It took a minute or so but finally Beca’s breathing evened out. She vigorously wiped the tears off her face with the back of her hand before looking up into Aubrey’s eyes. ‘’I’m sorry.’’

‘’There is absolutely nothing for you to be sorry about. I promised you I would be here for you and I am. Now lets get you up off this floor and sit somewhere more comfortable….ok?’’. 

Beca took a deep breath and pulled herself up off of the floor. They both made it down the stairs and collapsed onto the couch. The sat in silence for what felt like hours, but in reality was more like fifteen minutes or so. Beca had been curled in a ball with her head on the arm rest and eyes shut tight just thinking. Aubrey had pretended to go through facebook on her mobile phone but didn’t actually pay any attention to the screen. She looked over to Beca every now, desperate to say something but she didn’t want to be pushy.

‘’I’m getting an abortion.’’ Beca very matter of factly spoke, breaking the silence.. 

‘’Ok. It’s totally your choice whatever you do Beca. Chloe and I will be there to get you through this.’’ Aubrey tried to reassure her.

Beca shifted from her position and sat up. ‘’Chloe doesn’t need to know about.’’

‘’Beca.’’

‘’Nope. I mean it Aubrey. She doesn’t need to know. She doesn’t need to be dragged into this.’’ Beca’s voice was stern and to the point. She hated herself for having to ask Aubrey to keep this from her best friend, but she had to. She couldn’t hurt Chloe any more than she already was. 

‘’You can’t just not tell her Beca. She is your girlfriend. She loves you so much and will want to be there for you.’’ The blonde was frowning, she couldn’t work out why Beca would keep this from Chloe. Couldn’t work out why Beca wouldn’t want her support. Chloe had always been there for her girlfriend, especially after the attack, it shocked her that now Beca wasn’t willing to accept that support. 

Beca let out an aggravated puff of air as she ran her hands through her fingers. ‘’Look, I appreciate you trying to help, but I can sort this. On. My Own.’’ There was silence as Aubrey just glared back at her. ‘’I’m being serious Bree, you cannot tell her. It will kill her.’’

Just as Aubrey opened her mouth to speak, they were interrupted by Chloe opening the front door. She peaked around the door frame of the living room, noticing the two sat on the couch. ‘’Oh hey guys.’’ she said a little loudly and a little slurred. 

‘’Chloe Beale, are you drunk?’’ Aubrey asked, giving her a quizzative look. 

Chloe giggled as she stumbled slightly trying to take off her shoes. ‘’Define drunk?’’ She laughed again. ‘’I have only a few glasses of wine. Oh and shots. Yeah shots. Stacie made me.’’ With that, Chloe dropped down onto the seat between her girlfriend and best friend.

Aubrey rolled her eyes at the redhead before placing a hand on her shoulder. ‘’Come on, lets get you to bed to sleep it off.’’

Worried that Aubrey might let slip about the pregnancy test, Beca jumped up from her seat. ‘’I’ll take her.’’ She blurted out, receiving a confused look from both other women. ‘’I mean, I’m going to bed anyway, so I’ll take you Chloe. Come on.’’ She ran her hands through her hair and let out a puff of air. ‘Good save Mitchell’ she thought to herself.

As soon as Chloe got into their bedroom, Beca made her drink a glass of water in an attempt to ease the following mornings oncoming hangover. It wasn’t often Chloe got drunk these days, so her hangovers were particularly bad when she did. Once the water had been consumed, Beca helped Chloe collapsed onto the bed and started talking about random crap that didn’t really make sense. It made the brunette smile. It felt like forever since she had seen her girlfriend so carefree and giggling. 

She walked to the closet to retrieve some sleepwear for the redhead and herself. When she turned back around, Chloe was suddenly asleep and already doing her cute little quiet snore that Beca loved listening to. Chloe was so far out of it, that she didn’t even stir when the brunette removed her jeans. Her arms were tangled over her chest, so Beca just left her shirt on and pulled the comforter over to keep Chloe warm. She changed into her own nightwear, a baggy shirt and sweatpants, and got into bed beside her girlfriend. 

Beca was still wide awake when she heard Aubrey come up the stairs and go into her own bedroom. Everything was silent bar the gentle rustling of trees outside in the wind. She thought about what Aubrey said, that she couldn’t keep this from Chloe, but she was adamant that she didn’t want her girlfriend brought into this. From what she read on the internet, she would just need to have the pregnancy confirmed by a doctor, she would need to have a discussion with a counsellor to make sure she was positive about her decision and then she would have the appointment at the abortion clinic. She could do all that on her own. Other people surely would have. 

She thought about the impact the attack was having on her relationship with Chloe. She loved her more than anything, but she was pushing her away and couldn’t stop it. She flinched every time the redhead touched her. Chloe would get tired of her eventually. Chloe needed physical contact. She was a hugger and a snuggler. They could be eating dinner and Chloe would reach out and hold her hand. When they were watching television, Chloe would at least have her hand on the brunettes thigh. She loved to just touch Beca. Not in the rude way, although that too. Sex had been so far off the cards since the attack that brunette figured her girlfriend must be fit to burst. Their sex life had been amazing. They couldn’t get enough of each other, but now, it was non existent. Beca felt sick at the thought of it right now because she felt dirty and damaged and would never comprehend why Chloe would want to even have sex with her any more.

This wasn’t the life she wanted for the redhead. 

She briefly thought about the night of the attack. It wasn’t rare for her to think about it when she couldn’t sleep. Hell, from the nightmares she was having, she was clearly thinking about it when she slept too. She wondered why he chose her. Why he thought it was his right to do it. She hated herself for not getting a rape kit done at the hospital and going to the police because that man was still out there, and who knows how many other girls and women he has and will do this to again. She felt weak. 

She fidgeted on the bed, attempting to get comfortable. It was foreign for her to be sleeping on the outside of the bed, as this was usually Chloe’s spot, but she didn’t want to move her once she was passed out. She turned onto her side to face the redhead, hoping the calm of her breathing and usual sleeping peaceful expression would ease her into her own sleep. It didn’t work though. Chloe’ eyebrows were furrowed and her jaw visible clenched. It made Beca tear up. She had never seen the redhead look tense, and it was all her fault. 

In that split second Beca made a decision. A decision that would destroy her life but eventually recover her girlfriends. She quietly got up out of bed, desperate not to disturb her girlfriend. Taking a deep breath, she made her way to the closet and plucked out a large duffel bag and began filling it with her belonging. She packed her phone charger, a few sets of clothes and underwear, her makeup bag and ipod. 

Beca had tears running down her cheeks as she looked back over at Chloe. This was going to be hard, but it was the right thing to do for her girlfriend. She scribbled down on a little post it and placed it down on the bed side table next to a packet of painkillers. She gently leaned over on the bed and kissed Chloe on the forehead. 

‘’Mmm, I love you Bec.’’ Chloe murmured, still asleep. 

‘’I love you too baby.’’ Beca whispered quietly, desperately holding back the sob that was threatening to bubble from her throat. 

She stood back up and just before turning off the lamp, re-read the note she left. ‘You deserve better. I’m sorry.’ And she truly believed that.

Beca crept down the stairs, avoiding the third from the top, knowing that it creaked. She’d often sneaked down to work on mixes when she couldn’t sleep in the past and had been moaned at too many times by Aubrey for it waking her up. As she reached the bottom of the stairs, she took her phone out of her pocket and sent off a quick text. 

The brunette used her phone light to navigate through the lounge and into the kitchen where she dumped a bottle of water in the bag and grabbed her coat from the hook by the back door. She walked back through the lounge, picking up her mixing equipment on the way past before making her way to the front door. She took her keys off of the key hook and quietly leaving the house. 

The moment she shut the door behind her, she froze. She hadn’t been outside on her own once since the attack. She was always with Chloe or Aubrey. Her car was only down the steps and a few meters down the path, but panic had set in immediately. She could feel her breaths getting shorter and sharper. Anyone could be lurking around right now. 

Beca ran as fast as her legs would take her. It only took seconds to get to her car where she launched herself in without even removing her bags or putting her mixing equipment in first. She immediately locked doors before placing her items on the passenger seat. With her entire body trembling, it took her a few moments to get the key into the ignition, but eventually she managed. As she turned the key to start the car, she took one last look at the house then drove off with tears brimming in her eyes. 

She had a couple of destination in mind, but hadn’t made up her mind which was the best bet. For now, she just drove.


	6. chapter 6

Beca kept telling herself that this was what was best for Chloe. And genuinely she did think that, but she also just wanted to get away from the situation. Be where no one knew what had happened. Where people wouldn’t give her sympathetic looks or constantly be on edge around her. She just wanted to hide away from it all. 

Her need to hide from her problems started when Beca was a teenager, shortly after her father left. She hadn’t told anyone until one of her closest friends had pointed out that she wasn’t herself. She had opened up to Jennifer about her Dad leaving and that her Mom wasn’t coping very well with the split. She spoke about how angry she felt towards her Dad and how she wasn’t ready to talk to him yet. It seemed to ease the pain slightly to be able to talk about it, and she was grateful to have a friends support. 

That was until a week later and the whole class knew. It seemed Jennifer discussed it with another of their friends and before they knew it, everyone was aware of the situation, except just like ‘Chinese whispers’, the whole story had been exaggerated and added to. It seemed everyone was not so secretly talking behind her back. That was the day Beca promised herself that she would keep herself to herself from now on. 

Then she went to college and met Chloe Beale. The girl who radiated sunshine and rainbows. The girl who walked into Beca’s shower uninvited to listen to her sing. The girl who had no sense of personal space, who really rather quickly broke down every wall Beca had built up around herself and made her fall in love with her. 

It was never meant to happen. She was only meant to stay a year. A year of college in exchange for her Dad helping her move to L.A. to begin her journey to become a record producer. A dream she had had since she was twelve. But, falling in love with Chloe meant her plans had changed. When the redhead failed Russian Lit, Beca decided that she would stay too. They were still pretty early on in their relationship, but it just felt like the right thing to do, and well, it pleased her Dad and kept him off her back about furthering her education. 

It was eight months ago, the summer before her second year, that Aubrey had come up with the idea that herself and Chloe should move into a small house together just off campus. Aubrey had an internship at a small law firm near by and was also taking a higher class at the university to speed up the process for her to become a lawyer. Beca spent every spare moment of day or night with them once they’d moved in, and after weeks of the jokes that she had unintentionally moved in, Aubrey suggested that she officially did move in with them. It really wasn’t half as weird as people assumed. Yes, Aubrey and Beca had had their differenced during the first few months of knowing each other, but once they got to know each other properly, they realised they had more in common than meets the eye. 

/////////////////

Exhaustion had hit pretty early on in her journey but Beca kept going for a couple of hours before she pulled into the car lot of a twenty four hour diner. Her eye lids were heavy and she yawned time and time again whilst sipping on her coffee, waiting for her pancakes. 

Three bites into her food, Beca could feel her stomach churning. Just a few seconds later she was running to the toilet to vomit. They weren’t the cleanest of toilet blocks but they weren’t the worst she had ever used. Granted, the worst had usually been whilst she was drunk and didn’t care. Right now she was just attempting not to get her head too close to the rim of the toilet but also trying her hardest to aim her puke into the pan. More difficult than it sounds. Once she concluded that the sickness had finished, she looked down at her stomach and huffed. ‘’Seriously? No Pancakes?’’ she whispered before closing her eyes and shaking her head. ‘What the fuck am I doing?’ she thought to herself before once again trying to push the pregnancy to the back of her brain. Ignorance is bliss right?

Exiting the bathroom, Beca made her way back over to the booth in the far corner that she had been sat in and finished her coffee. The diner was quiet. Just one server, a chef and a few customers which she assumed were the owners of the large trucks and lorry in the parking lot. The server was a tall, thin women, probably a few years older than her Mom. She was friendly and enthusiastic, more so than Beca could imagine anyone being at this time of the morning. 

‘’Want a refill sweetie?’’ Erica, the server, asked. 

Her voice pulled Beca out of her daydream. ‘’Oh, umm, no thank you. Probably should get back on the road.’’ She said, tapping the home button on her cellphone to check the time. 

Erica nodded. ‘’Well have a safe journey miss.’’

//////////////

Back at home, Aubrey had woken up at around 6:30am to get ready for her morning run. She made her way to the bathroom to brush her teeth before heading back to her bedroom to make her bed and then get dressed in her gym wear. Grabbing her phone off the bedside table, she noticed a text from Beca. 

Beca 01:37  
Look after her for me Bree. 

Aubrey stared at her cellphone with a furrowed brow. Suddenly realising what it probably meant, the blonde rushed downstairs to look out the front of the house in the hopes that Beca’s car was still parked outside and she had just got the wrong end of the stick. The car was gone. Turning on the spot, she immediately noticed that Beca’s mixing equipment was gone from the dining table. ‘’Shit’’ she whispered, before taking her phone and calling Beca. The phone rang to voicemail three times before she gave up and sent a text message instead. 

Aubrey 06:49  
Where are you?

After waiting a while and not getting a reply, her message not even read, she went back upstairs and stood outside the redheads bedroom door. She pressed her ear against it, trying to work out if Chloe was awake yet or not. She could hear a light snore in an otherwise silent room. It didn’t surprise her that her best friend was still sleeping, she had drunk rather a lot of alcohol the previous night, meaning she would likely wake in a couple of hours with a hangover. 

Aubrey couldn’t remember the last time she felt this worried. She had helped Chloe through break ups before. In their first year, Chloe had dated a guy from her English class. He was sweet and kind. They were seeing each other for a couple of months before Garrett ended it because he felt like Chloe flirted with other guys. Chloe was upset for a few days, but Aubrey had got her through it pretty quickly. Reassuring her that her friendly nature was not something to be ashamed of. That any man who couldn’t see that it was harmless was stupid and didn’t deserve her. 

Then there was Tom. They really were not compatible. Not in a relationship at least. They wanted different things. Really, their relationship was just a physical one. They basically used each other for sex, a bit of a stress reliever when either of them needed it. Chloe admitted a couple of weeks after she ended whatever it was they had, that she hadn’t even really liked him as a person. He wasn’t a horrible person, he just wasn’t right for her. Nor she for him. 

This time however, Aubrey knew it would be worse. She had watched their friendship grow into a relationship. She had watched how both Chloe and Beca changed over the last year and a half and all for the better. She had seen just how much Chloe brought the brunette out of her shell and how Beca had calmed the redheads over dramatic nature. Aubrey couldn’t fault her friends relationship. 

Trapped in her own thoughts, the blonde hadn’t realised that over half an hour had passed as she stood leaning against the wall outside of Chloe’s bedroom. It wasn’t until she heard movement that it pulled her out of her own head. 

‘’Euurrrggghhh’’ Chloe groaned as she opened her eyes and lifted her head from the pillows. She rolled onto her back and threw her arm over her eyes, hiding away from the light seeping in through the gap in the curtains. She stretched out her limbs with another audible groan. 

Taking her time, Chloe shifted over on to the edge of the bed. Lifting her own head up felt like her brain was rattling from side to side, her eyes barely able to open and her body aching from the seemingly worst hangover she’s possibly ever had. 

Glancing over to the bed side table, the alarm clock read 7:32am. Chloe immediately thought it was odd that Beca was already up. Her girlfriend barely ever saw this time of the morning, even when she had an early lecture. Next to the alarm clock, the redhead saw a glass half filled with water and a couple of painkillers. She reached out for them, quickly throwing the pills into her mouth and downing the water. It wasn’t until she placed the glass back down that she noticed the small note with Beca’s hand writing on it. 

As she picked up the piece of paper, Aubrey knocked on the door. Without waiting for an answer, she gently opened the door to see Chloe as she began to cry. She stepped over towards the redhead and sat next to her on the bed, quickly wrapping her left arm around her friends shoulder and taking the note from her hand. 

‘’She...She’s gone hasn’t she?’’ Chloe whispered.

//////////////////////

After leaving the diner at just gone 4am, Beca got back on into her car and plugged her phone into the aux cable. She chose a mellow playlist, nothing distracting but would keep her awake. She was desperate to sleep, her entire being was exhausted, but she needed to get to her destination before 8:30am and was already cutting it fine. 

Some time around 6:30 am, her phone rang through, but Beca ignored it. She knew it would be either Chloe or Aubrey and she just didn’t have the energy to speak to either of them. 

The brunette knew it wasn’t going to be easy, but she just wanted them to forget about her. Get on with their lives. The whole situation with the attack had fucked her head up so badly that she didn’t think she would ever come back from that. Chloe deserved to be treated like she was the only person in the entire world. She deserved to be held and not live life on a tight rope like she would if Beca stuck around. 

Eventually Beca pulled into a large car park. She got out of her car and stretch out her aching limbs. Being stuck in a car for hours on end had made her body super stiff. She took a deep breath through her nose, taking in the smell of the ocean air. She wasn’t one for sun and sand, but couldn’t deny that the air smelt purer here. 

She grabbed her purse from the front passenger seat and walked shakily towards the huge apartment block in front of her. She made her way through the huge double doors and towards to the elevator. Beca couldn’t stop her foot from tapping on the floor as she patiently waited for the elevator to come back down to the ground floor. She had only been here once before but knew exactly where she needed to go. 

Stepping inside, she pressed the button to take her to the eleventh floor. As it took her up, her hands began to visibly shake and suddenly this felt like the worst idea. It was kind of too late to turn back now though. There wasn’t really anywhere else she could go where no one would know her. 

Standing in front of apartment forty five, Beca took a deep breath before knocking on the door. After a minute or so, the door swung open and the brunette was greeted by a look of pure shock. 

‘’Beca….What are you doing here?’’

‘’Hey Mom.’’


	7. chapter 7

‘’Beca...What are you doing here?’’

‘’Hey Mom.’’ Beca nervously shifted from one foot to the other. She’s not sure she had ever felt this shy around her mother before. Anxiously rubbing her clammy palms against her jeans, she looked up to meet her mothers gaze. ‘’I umm. I kinda need to crash here for a bit. Like, well, you know...if it’s okay with you?’’ 

Ellen Mitchell was much like an older version of Beca. The dark brown hair, deep blue eyes, short (though still an inch taller than her daughter) with a slight frame. The only difference was she was far more open than Beca. ‘’Of course sweetheart. You’re welcome here any time baby girl.’’ 

Beca stepped inside the apartment, hauling her bag in with her. ‘’Thanks Mom.’’ Beca whispered, barely audible before setting her bag on the floor and sighing to herself. 

‘’Look, I have to get going before I’m late for work. Make yourself at home.’’ Ellen gave her daughter a quick hug before rushing out the door to go to work. ‘’See you later okay.’’

///////////////////////////////////

It was weird in the apartment by herself all day. Her mother had moved here shortly after Beca had gone off to college and she hadn’t actually visited yet. 

The younger brunette had managed to nap until around midday, but didn’t feel any less tired than she had before falling asleep on the large comfy couch. She had got up and gone in search of food, though it hadn’t stayed down long. She sat and watched the television for a while but even that wasn’t a big enough distraction from all the thoughts running through her mind. 

When her mom walked back into the apartment at 4pm, she found the younger brunette sat cross legged in front of the floor to ceiling window that overlooked the beach. Beca was day dreaming, so out of it that she hadn’t heard her mother walk through the door and up behind her. Ellen leant down and kissed her daughter on the top of the head, startling the her. ‘’Ooops. Sorry darling.’’

‘’It’s okay. Was just in a world of my own.’’ Beca replied, turning round to watch as her mother went about dumping her handbag and laptop bag on top of the kitchens centre island and walking around the kitchen to make a coffee. She was kind of in awe of how relaxed her mother seemed. She had never really witnessed her like this. Back in Maine, her mother had been on edge a lot. Dealing with a job she hated but was only in to make sure she could pay the bills on the overly large house that they lived in. It was far too big for just the two of them, but her mother insisted they stay there because it was the house that Beca had grown up in. ‘’This place is amazing Mom. Can’t believe I’ve not visited before now.’’

Ellen let out a light chuckle. ‘’Well I don’t know either. Since I have asked you numerous times to visit, and along bring that lovely girlfriend of yours with you. Where is Chloe anyway? Not fancy the trip?’’ 

Beca’s eyes widened as she immediately shot her line of vision to the floor. Totally ignoring her mothers questions, she started to fiddle with the rings on her right hand. It was very reminiscent of Beca’s teenage years whenever her mom tried to get her to talk about anything other than music. 

‘’Something you need to tell me munchkin?’’ 

Beca shot her mother a glare. She had hated that nickname since she was a child but her mom had always insisted that it was cute. ‘’Don’t call me that.’’ There was a snip to her voice that she hadn’t really intended to be there, but she truly did dislike that nickname. Closing her eyes and taking a deep breath she whispered, ‘’shit, sorry.’’

Ellen walked over to Beca and wrapped her arms around her, only tightening her grip when the younger brunette tried to resist the contact. ‘’Beca. Sweetie, what’s happened? Come on, tell me.’’

That’s all it took for the young brunette to completely break down. She stood, wrapped up in her mother arms, sobbing so heavily that her entire body shook. ‘’M...Me….Me and Chloe, we’re through.’’ she managed between sobs.

Beca doesn’t know how or when she ended up on the couch, led with her head in her moms lap, but her eyes sting from the constant flow of tears. For the most part, Ellen had simply comforted her, let her cry it out. Waiting until her sobbing subsided before asking any questions. ‘’So, do you wanna talk about it?’’ When Beca shook her head and buried her face in her hands, she didn’t push her to speak. Clearly knowing her daughter well enough to know not to push her into anything she wasn’t ready to do. ‘’Ok. Well what do you say I order in Chinese? I don’t feel much like cooking.’’

‘’Yeah, sounds good.’’

//////////////////////////////////////////////////

‘’Chinese is here.’’ Beca chirped from the couch as her mother grabbed them a can of soda each from the fridge.

Quirking an eyebrow at her daughter, Ellen replied, ‘’No, the door bell hasn’t gone yet.’’ just seconds before the door bell dinged. ‘’Hmmm...well I guess I was wrong. How’d you do that?’’

‘’Could smell it.’’ Beca called out as her mother went to the door to retrieve their food. 

They’d sat down up at the centre island, Ellen chatting away about her job, her time living by the beach and her new neighbours that she got on really well with. Beca would never admit that she had zoned out more than once. It wasn’t that she was disinterested in her mothers life, in fact finally seeing her mom had made her realise just how much she missed her. It made her regret all the bad things she had said to her mom on the run up to her leaving for college, blaming her for being forced into college when all she wanted to do was move to L.A. It made her hate herself for not making more of an effort to stay in contact, to phone her mom back when she purposely missed the calls every week or not replying to her emails. It’s not like they didn’t talk at all, but Beca used minimal effort. 

‘’…...and then, Michael next door, he said that maybe’’ Ellen stopped in her tracks as she heard to quiet heave her daughter let out. Next thing she knew, Beca was scrambling off of the stool and running for the bathroom, unable to shut the door behind her before violently vomiting into the toilet. 

‘’Beca...Beca are you okay? Was it something you ate? Are you ill?’’ The mother asked whilst holding her daughters hair back and rubbing gentle comforting circles on her back.

Beca pulled her face away from the toilet, staring up into her mothers eyes, her own eyes brimming with tears. ‘’No. None of those.’’

‘’So, what is it then sweetheart?’’ There was a mildly panicked look in Ellen’s eyes before something obviously clicked in her mind.

Recognising the realisation on her mothers face, Beca looked away. She wasn’t prepared to witness the disappointment that would be evident in her mothers eyes. ‘’Please Mom. Please don’t make me say it. Please.’’ Beca begged in a whispered tone.

‘’Sweetheart, are you…Are you pregnant?’’

Beca nodded and burst into tears. 

//////////////

Their Chinese went unfinished, Ellen quickly discarding the takeaway containers into the bin in an attempt to prevent further vomiting. Instead, she had made them both a milky coffee, taking it out onto the small balcony where Beca had curled up onto a chair, watching the sun go down. 

It was clear that her daughter was very shaken, so she had given her a little space before attempting to go speak to her. ‘’Hey, I made you a coffee.’’

Beca greeted her with a smile. ‘’Thanks Ma.’’

A few times, Ellen had opened and shut her mouth again. Struggling to find the words to talk to her daughter. Taking a deep breath to calm herself, she finally spoke up. ‘’So, how far gone are you?’’ she asked as she sat herself down in the other chair. 

‘’I think around eight weeks. But I don’t know exactly. I’ve, umm, not been to the doctors.’’ 

‘’Is this why you and Chloe broke up?’’ asked almost timidly as she took a sip of her coffee.

Beca slowly turned to face her mom. Almost taken aback by the sheer bluntness of the conversation. This is what she didn’t want to happen. Her mother questioning her when she really wasn’t ready to go into detail. ‘’Uh, yeah I guess.’’ 

‘’So, you cheated on her?’’

‘’What? No. It’s, it’s not like that.’’ Beca’s voice had gotten louder as she rose from her seated position, clearly offended by the accusation. They were caught in a slight stare off. Both just glaring at each other. 

‘’Well you don’t just get knocked up whilst you’re in a relationship with another female Beca. That’s not how that works.’’ Ellen retorted in a heavily sarcastic tone. 

Rolling her eyes at her mothers statement, Beca brought her hand up to pinch at the bridge of her nose. She could feel the beginning of a headache starting and she knew that if she didn’t calm down soon, it would turn into a three day migraine. ‘’Oh my god, Mom. No. Jesus Christ. I am not talking about this with you. I’m done.’’ She briskly walked away, taking herself off to the spare room and slamming the door. 

Ellen was taken aback by just how quickly it escalated into raised voices and slammed doors, clearly forgetting all the dramatics from Beca’s early teenage years. She knew she had to go and apologise for what she said. Taking a deep breath and running her fingers through her hair, she stood up and made her way back inside. 

The older brunette made her way over to the spare room, stopping herself just before entering, figuring it would be a better idea to knock first. ‘’Beca? Baby girl, can I come in please.’’ she waited for around a minute, only to be met with silence. ‘’Bec, I’m coming in okay?’’

Ellen opened the door to be greeted by the sight of her daughter curled up in the middle of the double bed, silently crying. She didn’t think twice about stepping towards the bed, and sitting on the unoccupied side. ‘’Come here.’’ she said as she gestured to Beca to pull herself further up the bed and into a waiting hug from her mother. 

‘’I’m so sorry for the way I spoke to you.’’ Ellen whispered as she held her daughter tight and stroked her hair, just like she did when Beca was a toddler and woke from a nightmare. 

It was a real comfort to the younger brunette. She held on just as tight at her mother as more tears escaped her eyes. 

‘’Beca, please don’t get cross with me, but do you plan on keeping this baby?’’ Ellen’s voice was steady but quiet, silently praying this question wouldn’t cause another argument. 

And it didn’t. Beca figured it was a legitimate, not just her mother asking unnecessary questions. ‘’No. No I can’t. I...I’m getting an abortion.’’ 

‘’You know, when I fell pregnant with you, I didn’t think I could be a mom either. But you are the best thing that’s ever happened to me. I loved and do love you so much. Whatever you feel you need to do, I will be there for you okay?’’ 

‘’I love you too Mom.’’


	8. chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for the reviews so far. Hope everyone is staying safe and well. Here in the UK we are still isolating and definitely are for the next couple of weeks. I cannot wait to get back to work, think I've lost a few braincells and gained a few lbs.

Beca woke early the following morning to an empty bed. Clearly having fallen into such a deep sleep that she didn’t hear her mother get out at some point during the night. 

It reminded her of when her father had left. However brave she had been during the day at school or even in the evenings when she and her mother would sit down and eat together, as soon as Beca got into bed, she would completely break down. Every single night, her Mom would silently make her way into her bedroom, slide into the bed next to her and soothe her to sleep. 

Beca vaguely recalls her mother holding her tightly last night whilst she silently cried, humming a little song to her and stroking her hair before she fell asleep. She doesn’t have a clue what time she gave in and closed her eyes but she knew it was relatively early, or at least much earlier than she was ever used to. Even though, glancing over to the small digital clock on the bed side table, seeing that it was still only just gone five in the morning, she felt more human and rested than she had in a while.

Beca had slept the best she had since the attack. Though that wasn’t hard as she had barely slept a single full night. Even when Chloe had returned to sleep in their bed, the brunette would still wake up from nightmares. She had lost count of the times she had shot up in bed, physically shaking, cold sweat over her entire body. She’d spend most of the rest of the night staring at the ceiling, desperate to just fall back asleep as she’d never felt so exhausted and drained in her entire life. Nothing ever worked though. Once the nightmare struck, she knew there would be absolutely no chance of sleep. 

Pulling herself up in bed, Beca scooted back to rest against the headboard. She rubbed her hands over her face as thoughts of her reality raced through her mind. Leaving a week before spring break was probably not her most sensible idea. She had been going to classes for the last couple of weeks, but she was so far behind from the time she missed after the attack. She had promised her Dad that she would catch up completely over the break, lying to him that she had missed so many classes because she had been ill and unable to attend. There was no way she was telling him what happened. Even if their relationship wasn’t as strained as it was, the attack was something only she, Chloe and Aubrey were ever going to know about. She had made them promise so. 

Chloe. Her Chloe. God, she felt awful for just leaving her without any warning. No matter if it was what she thought was best for the redhead, she still hated herself for just disappearing. Beca could just imagine the tears that she would shed, maybe mixed in with a bit of anger. She loved Chloe, more than anything, but she didn’t see any other way for this all to play out. She knew that Aubrey would help her through this. She knew that Chloe was surrounded by friends who loved and cared for her and she was sure that Chloe would move on pretty quickly. 

Beca hadn’t realised that she was crying until she felt the small droplets run down her neck. Just as she swiped the back of her hand against her cheek to wipe them away, her mother gently knocked at the door. Clearing her throat, Beca quietly gave her permission to enter.

‘’Hey sweet girl. You’re up early.’’ Ellen spoke quietly as she leaned against the doorway with a mug of steaming green tea cradled in her hands.

‘’Yeah, I slept pretty well though’’

Ellen smiled at her daughter. Knowing from the bags under her eyes yesterday, she hadn’t had a good nights sleep in a while. ‘’Want some breakfast?’’

Beca didn’t ever really do breakfast. Every morning Chloe would try bribe her into eating something, telling her it was the most important meal of the day, but every day she responded with an eye roll and a grunt and simply dashed to the coffee maker after pulling her favourite mug from the cabinet. ‘’Just coffee please.’’ 

‘’No pancakes? I’ve got chocolate chips.’’

Beca scrunched her face up remembering what happened the last time she attempted to eat pancakes.‘’God no. It...’’ She pointed to her stomach. ‘’...It doesn’t like them.’’

‘’Oh, umm. Okay. Well how about some toast? You barely ate yesterday so you must be starving.’’

Beca nodded and gently smiled before pulling herself up out of the bed and following her out of the bedroom. She detoured to the bathroom on her way down the corridor to pee and brush her teeth. Once she was done in the bathroom, she padded through to the kitchen, grabbing the hoody she discarded the night before from the back of one of the stools and pulled it over her head before sitting up at the kitchen island. The hoody was over sized, but it was her favourite. It wasn’t exactly cold in her Mothers apartment, but wrapping herself up in the garment made her feel safer somehow. 

The pair sat in virtual silence as they each consumed their toast. Beca spreading peanut butter and jam all over hers, whereas Ellen simply went for butter. 

Beca cleared her throat before attempting to break the silence. ‘’So, I’m...ummm, gonna look for a clinic today.’’

‘’So soon? You...You have definitely thought all of this through right? And you’re 100% sure you want to get an abortion?’’ Ellen asked tentatively, trying her hardest not to step on her daughters toes and upset her again. If last night had been anything to go by, Beca was obviously rather fragile right now. 

‘’Yeah, I just figured I’d get all this over and done with as quick as possible.’’ 

Ellen nodded and went back to reading through the news headlines on her Ipad and sipping on her green tea. 

After breakfast and coffee was consumed, Beca went off to shower and freshen up. She felt gross having not showered the day before. She’d had every intention of having one in the evening but the previous night hadn’t exactly gone to plan. Once she was showered and dressed, into a pair of loose fitting shorts and plain black tee, hair shoved messily on top of her head in a bun, Beca reached over to the bedside table where her cell phone sat. She hadn’t turned it back on at all yesterday after the battery ran out during her journey over to her mothers at around six in the morning. 

Plugging the charger into the wall and then into her cell phone and waited patiently for it to come to life. She hadn’t really thought twice about switching it on and doing an internet search for a local abortion clinic. The only issue was, once her phone was on, she was bombarded with messages and missed call notifications from Chloe, Aubrey and even a message from Stacie. Suddenly Beca’s hands began to shake and she placed the cell phone, face down on the bed a couple of meters away from her so quickly it was almost like it was burning her skin. Automatically, Beca’s elbows landed on her knees, head bowed with the heals of her palms pushing into her eyes attempting to stop the tears that were threatening to spill. She could feel the panic rising in her chest. She felt sick. 

She’s not sure why she was so stupid to forget that Chloe may actually try to contact her, because Chloe had always been the first to reach out when it came to them both. From convincing her to join the Bella’s, to starting their relationship and moving in together. Every disagreement they had, every argument and silly fight, Chloe was the one to back down and apologise first. So it shouldn’t have surprised Beca that she had attempted contact. 

After her breathing calmed down and heart rate slowed, the brunette took a deep steadying breath and slowly reached for her phone. She had no idea whether it was a good idea to look at her cell phone, but part of her just wanted to see if Chloe was angry with her. She had every right to be angry that Beca had left with no explanation. She felt that she deserved for Chloe to be so incredibly pissed at her. 

Taking her cell phone and pressing in the password to unlock it, she immediately went to her texts. 

Chlo bear 

08:17  
Beca, where the hell are you?

08:32  
Ring me when you get this message.

09:03  
For christ sake Beca, just ring me. Please!!!

17:37  
Where the hell are you? 

There were multiple messages like this throughout the day. All ranging from angry, to worried and some Beca could tell were just desperate pleas. 

00:49  
Please baby. Just call or text. I need to know you are safe. If I did something wrong and you don’t wanna talk to me, can you please text Bree instead. I just need to know that you are okay. 

03:51  
I love you. X

The tears that Beca had previously managed to hold back were suddenly making their way down her cheeks, no matter how much she swiped at them, more tears pooled in her eyes. She didn’t dare listen to the voicemails, her heart may completely break if she hears Chloe’s voice right now. She did however listen to the voicemail from Aubrey out of curiosity and to just hear a recognisable voice. 

‘’Hey Beca. Look, Chloe is going bat shit crazy here. She’s worried Bec. And honestly, I can’t blame her. You just up and left. I totally get that you are scared, but I don’t get why you left. We could have helped you through all of this.’’ Aubrey let out a long sigh before continuing. ‘’I...I’m not going to tell her. Just so you know. I would never go behind your back like that but she’s blaming herself right now. She thinks she’s done something wrong. She thinks you’re punishing her and that’s not fair. Anyway, I hope you’re safe. Check in with us please. Bye.’’

Hearing those words made the brunette feel even more guilty. She was being unfair to Chloe. She knew that. She was just currently choosing to ignore that for what she thought was Chloe’s sake. 

After staring at her phone for a while, she decided to text Aubrey and let her know that she was safe and that she just needed to be left alone whilst she sorted all of this out. Truth is, Beca didn’t know what was going to happen after she had the abortion. It’s not like she could just go back to Barden and act like nothing had happened. That place held some of the best and now worst memories for her. She loved the friends that she made in the Bella’s. And Chloe. Chloe is the best thing that could have ever happened to her, but she felt like damaged goods now. Beca knew that the redhead deserved so much better. 

Beca had no clue how long she was caught in that trail of thought before her phone buzzed to notify her of a text. Looking down at the cell phone in her hand, she saw that Aubrey had replied but chose to ignore it for now. Instead, she tapped onto the search engine on her cell phone and looked up local abortion clinics. She spent half the morning looking at each of the websites before deciding on one that was only a thirty minute or so drive out. 

When she rang them, it almost felt like just booking a doctors appointment. They asked her name, date of birth and her medical insurance number. Once she had given over the information, they informed her that she would have to come in for an ultrasound to check how far along she was, as it would effect which procedure they could do and she would also need to have a counselling session to make sure that she was sure about her decision. 

It felt weird once she disconnected the call. Beca thought she would feel some relief at just having things put in place, but she still just felt numb. She didn’t have much time to think about it before her cell phone was once again vibrating next her. She left it to go to voicemail without looking who it was that was calling. No voicemail was left, but within thirty seconds it was vibrating again. This time she did look, seeing that it was her father. She took a deep breath, ready for whatever awkward conversation was about to unfold. Before she could even say hello, he was yelling down the phone at her.

‘’Rebecca Mitchell, where in gods name have you disappeared to? I have had your girlfriend on my door step this morning asking if you were here. You know you still have one more week before spring break. I’m getting sick and tired of you constantly skipping out on school recently. If you think I’m still paying for you to go to L.A. after this year is over, you have got another thing coming young lady.’’

‘’Dad.’’ She sighed, knowing full well there was no point arguing with him right now. 

‘’No, I don’t want to hear it.’’


	9. chapter 9

The following few days went by in a blur for Beca. There were more texts, calls and even facebook messages from Chloe. All which the brunette ignored. She assumed that Aubrey must have passed on the message that she was safe, since none of the attempted communications were asking if she was safe, now just begging her to let the redhead know where she was. 

She’d attempted to text her Dad, apologising and making up some bullshit excuse as to why she wasn’t back at college where she was meant to be. She just couldn’t do it though, erasing every single message she typed out.

The morning sickness got worse. Honestly, Beca couldn’t wait for that to stop. She was fed up of puking up all the items of food that she usually loved. She resigned to having to currently live off grilled cheese sandwiches, coffee and bananas. Don’t even get her started on the smell of food, it’s like she currently had the nostrils of a sniffer dog.

Beca led in bed the morning of her first appointment at the clinic. She had hardly slept, seeing in every hour until 4am. She was worried about the counselling session that she was obligated to go to. Worried about what questions she would be asked. She replayed every possible scenario in her head. She knew it was just to make sure she was positive about her decision to abort the pregnancy. Make sure she wasn’t being forced into anything she didn’t want to do. But, it didn’t stop the bubble of panic rising in her chest constantly throughout the night. 

Her Mom had offered to take a couple of hours off work to take her to the appointment, but Beca had declined the offer, asking if there was a possibility that she would go with her on the day of the actual abortion instead. Of course, Ellen agreed. Her Mom was just trying to be there for her as much as Beca would allow her. 

Their relationship had always been pretty decent. Yeah, the teenage years were a struggle. Beca was a hormonal, sometimes defiant, argumentative kids at times. But who wasn’t when they were fifteen. The worst argument they had ever had was just before Beca went off to college, feeling she was being forced into it by her parents. Maybe the thought of college wouldn’t have been so bad if she wasn’t being made to attend the same one her father worked at. He’d been absent a lot of her teenage life, missing birthdays and Christmas in favour of spending it with his new family. To say their relationship was strained was an understatement. 

Ellen hadn’t asked any more questions about Chloe or mentioned anything about the relationship break up. Clearly her daughters were emotions were already all over the place, given the bouts of tears and short temper she had over the past couple of days. She had just told Beca regularly that if she wanted to talk then she was there to listen, always.

Beca dragged herself out of bed and straight to the bathroom. She turned on the shower and waited for it to get hot enough before stepping inside. The brunette got lost in her own thoughts as the hot water pelted down on her body. It helped her to relax, just slightly. She hadn’t noticed just how tense her body felt when she woke that morning. 

After showering and brushing her teeth, Beca made her way back to the bedroom to get ready to leave her Mom’s apartment and make her way to the abortion clinic. She hadn’t had breakfast, knowing she wouldn’t be able to stomach anything, just grabbed her flask of coffee from the counter before rushing out of the door. 

The journey itself didn’t take much time at all, in fact, if she really wanted to, she probably could have walked there in about twenty to thirty minutes. The parking lot was virtually empty bar the staff parking area and a few cars dotted about. Beca felt sick to her stomach when she saw a few people standing near the entrance of the clinic, holding banners stating that abortion was murder. Luckily, they were just standing there, they had a small table set up with flyers on it but they didn’t appear to be shouting or getting in peoples faces to put their view across. 

Beca sat in the waiting room, fiddling with the loose threads at the bottom of her denim shorts. She had contemplated if it was appropriate attire, shorts and band tee, but it was an abortion clinic, not a job interview, it isn’t like they were going to judge her right?

There was a few other women sitting in the chairs of the waiting room. She noticed a girl with dyed blonde hair sitting opposite her with a women who was more than likely her grandmothers. The girl looked no older than fifteen. Beca could tell she was absolutely petrified, she had tears in her eyes and her legs were fidgeting. The older women she was with, kept looking at her with a disappointed glare. Beca felt bad for her, in this whole situation, her Mom had been supportive and generally non-judgmental. She made a mental note to thank her Mom for being so when all this was over. 

‘’Rebecca Mitchell?’’ Came a small voice from the direction of the reception. She was pointed in the direction of a room just off of the waiting room. Nerves set in again as she stood in front of the door. Taking a deep breath in a feeble attempt to centre herself, Beca knocked on the door and waited to be asked to enter. 

‘’Please take a seat.’’ The counsellor gestured towards the two seats in front of the desk. ‘’You must be Rebecca.’’

‘’Uh, yeah. Beca is fine.’’ The brunette spoke quietly as she took a seat. She took the one on her left. Which made her shake her head lightly. She had got into the habit of always sitting on the chair to her left since she first started her relationship with Chloe. Chloe was right handed and Beca was a lefty, and it meant their dominant hands were still free when they holding hands. Beca had called her weirdo, but still went along with it. 

‘’Sure, Hi Beca.’’ The older women held out her hand for the brunette to shake. ‘’My name is Amanda. I’ve just got to ask you a few questions today to establish that your decision to abort the pregnancy is the right one for you.’’

Beca nodded, fiddling again with the frayed edges of her shorts.

‘’No need to be nervous. It’s very straight forward okay.’’

******/////////******

After the counsellor gave the go ahead for the abortion, Beca had to go back up to the reception desk and book her actual appointment. She was booked in for the following afternoon, not quite believing how quickly they could do this, but not complaining at all. 

Sending off a quick text to her Mom once she got in the car, to let her know when the appointment was, Beca saw the young girl from the waiting room walk out of the clinic. The poor girl was in absolute floods of tears, the women accompanying her wasn’t even attempting to comfort her. She wanted nothing more than to go wrap her arms around the girl. God, Chloe really had rubbed off on her. Beca a year ago wouldn’t have even noticed someone else’s pain, let alone want to comfort them. 

*******/////////*******

Beca sat down with her mother for dinner, managing to eat the majority of it. They’d talked a lot, mainly about her classes. The mother and daughter discussed what the younger brunette planned to do with regards to school. Beca agreed that she should go back, though with the split from Chloe she would have to ask her dad if she could stay with him for the period of time between starting back at school and finishing the year. She just needed to get through the last semester.

After having a relaxing bath that Ellen had run for her, filled with lavender bubble bath, Beca and her mother sat and watched a little television whilst snuggled up on the couch. ‘’Thanks Mom.’’ Beca said sleepily. 

‘’For what sweetheart?’’ Ellen questioned, looking down at her daughter as she continued to stroke the young brunettes hair.

Beca sighed at the comforting feeling. It reminded her of Chloe. She’d been in this position so many times with the redhead, head in her lap, Chloe stroking her hair, pulling her fingers gently through the knotted ends. She had lost count of times she fell asleep like this. ‘’For supporting me.’’ Beca replied, her voice barely audible as she tried to keep herself awake.

The mother leaned down to place a soft kiss into Beca’s hair. ‘’I always will baby girl.’’

*******/////////////********

Beca had had another night of barely any sleep. She had felt relatively relaxed the previous evening. More so than she thought she would. However, she still woke up during the night with another of her usual nightmares, taking quite some time to fall back to sleep. 

She didn’t need to be at the clinic until later that afternoon but still woke just after seven in the morning. The good thing about her Mom being self employed, was that she could take the time off to be with Beca today at such short notice. 

Beca appreciated that. She would go alone if she had to, but she was different to the rebellious, ‘I hate everybody and I wanna be alone’ young adult that she was just a year ago. It was weird for her to begin with, but having made friends with such an eclectic group of women, who all supported each other and treated each other like family, made her realise that she didn’t have to act like the old her any more.

She missed those girls like mad. It had only been a week since she had last seen any of them but she missed the craziness. She missed Amy’s absolutely bonkers stories of back home, that consisted of koala fights and dingo races and how she had won every single mermaid pageant Australia had held in the last fifteen years. 

She missed Stacie’s fake flirting that she knew only happened to make her blush and feel awkward. She missed Cynthia Rose challenging everyone to rap battles. She missed the looked on Jessica and Ashley’s faces when any of the girls called them by the wrong name. She missed them all, including Lilly, even though she scared the crap out of her. 

Pulling herself out of her daze, Beca got up and slowly made her way out of the bedroom and into the kitchen area, scuffing her fluffy sock clad feet across the tiled floor. She shuffled over the coffee maker and noticed that it was still cold, letting her know that her mother was still in bed. Beca decided to make her Mom a little breakfast in bed, just coffee and toast, her stomach couldn’t deal with the smell of cooking this early in the morning, or most of the day for that matter. 

Once breakfast was set up on the tray, she walked towards her Mom’s bedroom and knocked lightly on the door. ‘’Come in.’’ Ellen called out. ‘’Where is my daughter and what have you done with her?’’ She joked when Beca passed the tray over to her. 

The younger brunette rolled her eyes and sat herself down on the bottom of the bed after grabbing one of the two mugs of coffee from the tray. ‘’Very funny Ma.’’ 

‘’Well, excuse me for wondering. I don’t think you’ve ever made me breakfast in bed before.’’ Ellen said with a wink. It was true, Beca can’t ever recollect even making the women a coffee, let alone a meal. Though, toast was barely going all out on the breakfast front. ‘’You not eating?’’

‘’This is my breakfast.’’ She replied as she pulled the mug up to her lips and took a gulp.

‘’That doesn’t count Beca. Breakfast is the most important meal of the day.’’

‘’God, you sound just like Chloe.’’ Beca muttered quietly under her breath.

Ellen signed, not hearing a word of what her daughter just said. ‘’What was that?’’

‘’Nothing.’’ She painted on a fake smile for her Mom before looking back down into the coffee mug cupped in her hands. ‘’You’re still okay to come with me today right?’’ Her voiced wavered ever so slightly. 

‘’Of course sweetie. I’ve taken the whole day off to look after you.’’

****//////////****

Later that afternoon, the two women made their way to the clinic, Ellen driving and Beca directing her. As they pulled into the parking lot, it was notably busier than the previous day. Ellen parked the car as close to the entrance as possible, she knew Beca hated to walk any further than absolute necessary.

The group that were there yesterday, with the banners and pamphlets seemed larger. Beca wasn’t sure she would called them protesters as yesterday they hadn’t made much fuss towards anyone entering or exiting the clinic. They’d simply stood their holding their signs. 

Alarm bells should have rung in her head though, the closer they got, the more of them she could see. The moment they stepped out of the car and took a few steps forward towards the entrance, the group were moving towards them. They were shouting some chant that Beca couldn’t quite make out. She glanced over at her Mom, eye brows furrowed in concern. Ellen simply placed her hand gently on the younger brunettes back and encouraged her not to stop. ‘’Just keep walking.’’

The chants didn’t stop the closer the group got to them and Beca’s head felt like it was spinning. She was being accused of being a murderer, she was being called the scum of the earth, she was being told that she was going to hell, she was being judged by people that didn’t know her or the situation. 

Ellen had been shouting at her to keep on walking but Beca had frozen on the spot. She grabbed a hold of her daughters arm, attempting to pull her along quickly into the safety of the clinic. ‘’Move away before I call the police.’’ She screamed at them. ‘’Beca, come on.’’ She shouted as she yanked at her daughters arm.

Upon hearing her name, the younger brunette looked up at her mother, her heartbeat was racing and she felt sick. With Ellen’s encouragement, she took a few tentative steps forward before someone grabbed her from behind, whipping her around to face them. The gentleman, probably in his late forties refused to let her go even as she struggled against him. 

It brought back the horrific memories of the night she was attacked. She can almost smell the man that raped her. She can feel his breath on her skin again. She can feel his rough callused hands grabbing at her. She’s yet again back in that field, her clothing being ripped away from her, her dignity being ripped away from her. She’s back there, begging for him to stop. Praying that it is just a nightmare but knowing it wasn’t. 

Before the gentleman can even say a word, Ellen is at her side, prizing his hand away from her daughter before pulling back her right arm and swinging it straight into the guys jaw. The next thing Beca knows, her mother and someone she assumes is from the clinic are literally dragging her through the door into the reception and placing her on a chair in the corner.

She can’t breathe. She can feel herself gasping, desperately attempting to draw breath into her own lungs. The young brunette is vaguely aware of her mother trying to comfort her out of the panic attack. She knows people are probably staring at her but she couldn’t care less at this moment in time. She grabs a hold of her mothers hand and pulls her closer, laying her hand on Ellen’s chest over her heart. 

There’s so much noise in her own head, that she is struggling to concentrate on the feeling of her mothers breathing. It’s a technique Chloe had taught her when she had an anxiety attack. There had been several times in recent weeks where the redhead had had to grab a hold of Beca’s hand and place it on her chest to calm her.

When Beca was finally calm enough to hear what was going on around her, she could hear the receptionist apologising for what had happened. They’d had a few small issues with the protested on the rare occasion but when the police were called, they’d been informed that there wasn’t anything that they could do as the situation was seemingly calm and they had the freedom of speech. Never the less, she was going to phone it in to report it and hopefully get them moved. 

‘’Rebecca Mitchell.’’

Though Beca was much calmer by the time her name was called, she visibly flinched when her Mom gently placed a hand on her arm to get her attention. She had barely said a word since the issue outside, except to tell Ellen that she was fine each time she asked. 

She followed the nurse down the corridor with her mother in tow, walking past the room she was in yesterday for her counselling session. As they turned the corner, the surroundings became a lot more clinical. There were hand sanitiser units on the walls, and everyone through the second set of doors was wearing medical scrubs. It smelt sterile. 

The nurse led them into a room and talked Beca through what would be happening. She passed over a clip board and asked her to fill it in whilst they waited for the doctor to come in. ‘’And once you’ve fill that in, you just need to go and lay on the bed for ultrasound.’’

Beca simply nodded in reply. 

When the doctor came into the room, she smiled at Beca and her mother before introducing herself. Dr. Chambers was in a set of dark purple scrubs, with a little watch pinned to the pocket. ‘’So, Rebecca. I just have to give you an ultrasound first. I know it says here you are around nine weeks gestation, but we just have to be sure because if you happen to be over a certain gestation then we wouldn’t be allowed to offer you any treatment.’’

‘’Yeah that’s fine.’’ Beca spoke shyly, moving herself to lay on the bed. Her Mom was stayed sat on a chair in front of the small desk. If Beca needed her right next to her, all she needed to do was ask. 

‘’If you could just lift your top up over your abdomen, I’ve got to squirt some gel on your stomach, it’ll be cold okay.’’ 

She wasn’t wrong, that gel was bloody freezing. As the doctor rolled the ultrasound wand over Beca’s stomach, she could see that the doctor was leaning back slightly in order to take a look at the monitor on her left that was strategically placed so that ‘patients’ couldn’t see it. She just lay there, looking up at the ceiling. 

‘’Wow, that’s so much clearer than they were when I had you, you can literally see the baby.’’ Ellen blurted causing her daughter to whip her head around in her direction. Immediately wincing at her own words, Ellen immediately regretted it. She really shouldn’t have been looking at that screen. 

‘’Right, well you are right around nine weeks.’’ Dr. Chambers broke the awkward silence, looking up at Beca as she wiped the gel off of her abdomen. ‘’Just straighten yourself out and meet me back over in chairs.’’

Beca pulled her top back down before sitting up. ‘’Thanks.’’ 

She walked back over to the chairs, glaring at her Mom slightly, not just because of the comment but because she was sat in the seat on her right, the side she always sat in out of habit. It just felt a bit awkward to sit on the left. ‘’So now I just take the tablets right? One today and one tomorrow?’’ 

‘’Well it’s not really that simple. You stated on this...’’ The doctor pointed down to the clip board. ‘’...that you take a steroid inhaler daily for asthma. Unfortunately, we can only offer you a surgical abortion.’’

Beca immediately stiffened. She had read up on the internet about the different types of abortion. The surgical route was not the one she wanted to have done. She figured she would just go in, take the tablets and it would all just disappear. As easy as taking painkillers. The surgical termination was much more invasive. 

‘’What….What happens with the surgical termination?’’ Ellen asked. 

‘’Basically, we will give you a pill Rebecca, and that is to be taken two hours before the appointment. It helps to relax your cervix. The actual procedure consists of inserting a tube into your womb and remove the fetus by suction. You’ll have local aesthetic and it only takes around ten minutes.’’ Dr. Chambers explained. 

Ellen leant over and squeezed Beca’s hand as she noticed how incredibly uncomfortable her daughter looked. ‘’It’ll be okay Beca. I’ll be here with you. I promise.’’

‘’Mhmm.’’ Beca said before letting out a big puff of air. Nothing was ever simple with her. After everything she had been dealing with, she felt like this was just an extra punishment. 

********//////******

Later that night, Beca exited the bedroom where she had stayed from the moment they got back from the clinic. Her Mom had knocked several times, all had gone ignored, Beca pretending to be sleeping. There was no way she could sleep. She hated that she was now having to wait a few more days for the procedure, and even more so that it was not the procedure she was expecting. 

She walked through to the lounge where she found her mother flicking through emails on her laptop. ‘’Hey.’’

‘’Hi sweet girl. You okay?’’ Ellen asked as she closed the laptop and placed it on the coffee table in front of her. 

Beca nodded and sat down next to her Mom. Ellen opened her arms to invite her into a hug, which Beca accepted. The younger brunette could feel the tears pricking at her eyes, desperately trying to hold them back. Today had been a lot. The last seven weeks had been a lot. Part of her wanted to tell her Mom about the attack, holding it all in was so bloody hard. But she couldn’t, she couldn’t lumber that all on her Mom. 

Before she could stop them, tears were running down her cheeks as the first sob escaped her throat. She didn’t move, just held onto to her Mom even tighter. ‘’Hey, hey...What’s wrong Bec?’’ Ellen asked, holding onto her daughter, stroking her hand up and down the young brunettes back. 

Beca shook her head, unable to speak as the tears continued. To her Mom’s credit, she didn’t push her, just carried on comforting her daughter. 

‘’It...It wasn’t….meant to happen….like this.’’ Beca spoke between sobs. 

Ellen waited for Beca to calm down before speaking again. It was no used to trying to ask questions when the girl was so upset. ‘’What wasn’t meant to happen like this sweetie?’’

The younger brunette took a deep shuddering breath and exhaled slowly hoping to relieve herself of the tears still slowly falling. ‘’Me and Chloe. We were supposed to be together forever. I wanted to marry her Mom. I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her and we were gonna have children. We were gonna adopt because there are so many children out there needing a family. We had out future planned out and….and I ruined it. I just left her without saying a word.’’ Beca couldn’t look her Mom in the eye. Too scared that she would see that although she had finally blurted that out, that she was still holding something back. 

‘’Oh sweet girl. Things don’t always work out the way we planned.’’ Ellen moved slightly so she could look at Beca easier. ‘’Me and your dad never planned to end up divorced. In fact we had never planned on getting married.’’

Beca furrowed her brown in confusion. ‘’What?’’

‘’We only got married because I fell pregnant with you Beca. We didn’t love each other at the beginning, it was just a silly hook up we had in our twenties.’’ Ellen laughed slightly and rolled her eyes at the look of disgust on her daughters face. ‘’Don’t look at me like that. We were young once too you know.’’

‘’Nooo.’’ Beca teased, feigning surprise at the statement. There was a beat of silence between the two before Beca spoke again. ‘’Is that why you never had more children?’’

‘’God no. We definitely fell in love along the way and wanted a whole host of children. After you, I said I wanted a total of five, your dad wanted six.’’

‘’Even number.’’ They both said as they chuckled knowing Beca’s dad’s little OCD issue with things needed to be an even number. 

‘’I couldn’t have any more after you. Well I say couldn’t, it just never happened for us.’’ 

‘’Didn’t you ever look into adoption?’’ Beca asked.

‘’Yeah, but I think by then, my relationship with your Dad was already on the rocks. We’d tried to have another child for six years, it took a lot out of us mentally.’’ The older brunette explained. She looked a little sad whilst speaking about this but Beca knew she wouldn’t talk about it if didn’t want to. ‘’Plus, I just felt lucky to have you. Some women don’t ever get that chance.’’

Beca thinks it’s odd that she never knew about this before. She had never questioned her parents on if she was planned, or if they had ever wanted more than just the one child. Her Mom was amazing, any child would be lucky to have her. She felt lucky to have her. 

They’d sat in silence after that, watching some crappy television program about dog pageants, Beca loved dogs but thought it was absolutely ridiculous that people dressed them up and paraded them around a stage for other people to judge them on their outfit. Instead of watching, she sat and thought about everything her and her Mom had spoken about that evening, having an internal debate with herself.

‘’Mom.’’

‘’Yeah honey?’’

‘’I don’t think I can get the abortion.’’ Beca started, quickly rushing out the rest of her sentence when her mothers eyes lit up. ‘’No wait, wait...I’m still not keeping it, I’m can’t keep this baby. I...I think I wanna look into putting it up for adoption.’’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Right, bare with me on this. There is a reason I've chosen for Beca not to have the abortion. More drama coming up.....


	10. chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter but I feel like it was needed to clear up the end of the last chapter. Let me know what you think.

Maybe Beca’s decision not to go through with the abortion was a stupid. She just keeps replaying what her Mom said over and over again in her head. ‘Some women don’t ever get that chance’. That’s all she’s thought about all evening. 

She remembers the night that she and Chloe had discussed having children in the future. 

*/*

_Beca and Chloe had been led in bed one night, post coital calmness surrounding them. Chloe was pressed against her girlfriends side, her head rested on the brunettes chest, one arm draped across her naked waist, with Beca gently stroking up and down said arm._

_Beca doesn’t remember ever feeling this calm. Their relationship had moved pretty quickly, but it was nothing like any she had ever been in before. Though she hasn’t got much to compare it to._

_She had dated a guy for all of three months back when she was fifteen. She hadn’t even liked him, but felt pressured into having a boyfriend as that’s what all her friends were doing. She dumped him pretty quickly when he had tried to pressure her into sleeping with him. She had very nearly gone through with it too, but last minute put a stop to it._

_Then there was Megan. She was blonde, beautiful and popular. They hadn’t actually been in a relationship. The blonde had a boyfriend but still regularly had sex with Beca and referred to her as her ‘dirty little secret’. Beca knows she should never have put up with that. She was being used by a girl who was horrible to her ninety percent of the time, who made fun of her in front of her friends. It had ended eventually when one of the other popular bitches had walked in on them and Megan claimed that Beca had thrown herself on her unexpectedly._

_‘’Babe…’’ Chloe whispered, pulling Beca out of her thoughts._

_Beca placed a gentle kiss in the redheads hair before replying. ‘’What’s up chlo?’’_

_Chloe appeared to ‘’Do you ever want kids?’’ The redhead asked tentatively. If there was one thing she had learned since the start of her relationship with Beca, is that she had to tread carefully with certain questions. It had taken Beca three weeks to stop trying to change the subject when Chloe suggested that their relationship became official._

_Beca stopped her movement against her girlfriends arm an the room fell silent for a moment whilst the brunette appeared to be thinking through her answer. ‘’Umm, well I...I don’t really know. I guess I’ve never really thought about it.’’_

_‘’I think you’d be a good Mom.’’_

_Beca let out a little snort and scrunched up her nose. She had never been great at receiving compliments.‘’Pffft...I dunno about that, I think I’d be a pretty sucky parent.’’_

_Shaking her head lightly, Chloe moved to look up in to the brunettes eyes. ‘’I don’t. I think you’ll be the best Mom.’’ The redhead spoke softly, leaning up to place a gentle kiss to Beca’s cheek. ‘’You have this tough exterior, but you give so much love at the same time.’’ The brunette sighed and rolled her eyes teasingly causing Chloe to let out a small chuckle. That reaction was so very Beca like. ‘’Admit it babe, you’re a big softy deep down.’’ she added._

_Beca’s signature smirk made it’s way to her lip. Yeah, she couldn’t exactly deny that she had become some what soft around redhead. Chloe just had this ability to bring it out in her. ‘’Only for you Beale.’’ She said before poking the redhead gently in the rib._

_‘’I think you would be for our kids too.’’_

_‘’Our?’’ Shocked that Chloe would want to have kids with her. They had only been together a short while, in her eyes anyway, but she hadn’t really thought much about if they had a future together. Her past track record with relationships had made her kind of pessimistic. She just took each day as they came, feeling incredibly lucky to have Chloe in her life right now. ‘’You...you think you’ll have kids with me?’’_

_‘’Of course I do. I…’’ Chloe paused, knowing that her next sentence was going to make her girlfriend cringe.‘’I know this sounds super cliché and sappy but I think we’ll be together forever.’’_

_Beca almost melted at her girlfriends words. Yeah, she really was a sap now. She smiled down at Chloe before adjusting them both so that they were both laying on the bed facing each other.‘’You will definitely be the one pregnant one though babe.’’_

_‘’I’d like to adopt. My aunt and uncle went through multiple miscarriages before finding out they couldn’t have kids, so they adopted my little cousins and it was the most amazing thing.’’ Chloe replied, moving herself even closer to the brunette. Their legs were already tangled, but the redhead was still desperate for more contact._

_‘’You don’t want your own?’’ Beca asked, reaching over to push a piece of stray ginger hair behind Chloe’s ear. The redhead was gorgeous, you’d have to be blind not to agree, but Beca thought she was even more beautiful when she looked like this, hair messy, face free of makeup and drooping sleepy eyes._

_‘’There are so many children in the system who have gone through the most horrific things and they just need someone to love them. I definitely think we can provide that.’’ The yawn that escaped her lips at the end of the sentence proving just how sleepy the redhead had become._

_‘’I think we could too’’ Beca replied quietly, hand gently stroking at her girlfriends hair as they relaxed together and fell asleep._

*/*

Maybe that, along with what her mother had said, had been ringing in her ears over and over again. She’s still not sure if it is the right decision, but her mother was right. Some women don’t get that chance. Don’t have the opportunity to have children biologically. This baby wasn’t planned, she doesn’t think she could ever bond with it, but someone will. Someone who doesn’t know how this baby came to be on this earth. Someone who is ready to be a parent. Someone who will love the baby with every ounce of their being. Someone who deserves to be called Mom.


	11. chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know that last chapter was annoyingly short. Please understand that these real angsty chapters really do take it out of the writer sometimes. For me it was nice to write a chapter of this that wasn’t complete angst. Also, if I lumped that at the beginning of this chapter, I don’t think it would have worked. Hope that makes sense. Thanks for the reviews as always. 
> 
> So sorry for the delay on this chapter. I’ve had some stuff going on and I needed to deal with my own mental health so writing was put on the back burner. But I think I am back...

Weeks pass Beca by in a blur. Chloe had started messaging her less and less. Now, instead of thirty message, multiple phone calls and a couple of voicemails each day, the brunette was receiving far less. She would sometimes have a text in the morning - usually an ‘I miss you’ or a ‘please come home, I love you’. 

She had only received one voicemail in the last month. 

_**Beca’s phone vibrates next her. Chloe’s name flashing up on the screen. The brunettes not sure why Chloe is still even bothering with her. She’s not answered her calls or texts once since she arrived at her Mom’s apartment. She lets it ring out and go to voicemail. She usually doesn’t listen to them either, but it’s currently almost four in the morning, and it’s either being intrigued or concern because of the hour, that has Beca reaching for her phone to listen to the voicemail that she would usually delete before listening to._

_She slowly raises her phone to her ear. It’s been almost two months since she heard her girlfriend’s – ‘ex-girlfriend’s’ she internally corrects herself – voice. She hand is already shaking before she hears a single word._

_‘’Beca Mitchell.’’ She hears slurred from the voice at the other end of the phone. Beca knows from just those two words that Chloe has very clearly been drinking. It’s early hours of the morning, a Thursday morning. And if Beca isn’t mistaken, the redhead will have an early class in the morning._

_‘’Come home right now,’’ Chloe audibly hiccups down the phone before continuing.‘’Because… I. Need. You.’’_

_‘’You...you fucking left me. And,’’, she sighs loudly before continuing, ‘’that’s not cool bro.’’ If this had been a few months ago, before everything, the brunette would have found it hilarious, because for some strange reason, Chloe always called her ‘Bro’ when she was drunk and would vehemently deny it when told about it the following day._

_Instead, Beca is left feeling numb. She’s missed that voice, even the drunk slurred version.**_

Informing her Dad that she wouldn’t be returning to Barden university had gone much like Beca thought it might. Before she could tell him why, he was shouting at her down the phone about how stupid she was for giving away an opportunity that most kids would love to have. Free college tuition doesn’t happen for many people. 

The brunette had let him get it all out before she had had enough and interrupted him mid rant, blurting out that she was pregnant. He had asked her if she was ‘taking care of it’, but it hadn’t surprised her one bit. She quickly informed him that she wasn’t getting an abortion but that she planned to put it up for adoption instead. 

It became awkward after that. She could hear the disappointment in his voice. He had told her that ultimately it was her choice and that it was probably for the best since she was young and could barely look after herself let alone a child. 

The young brunette knows she is going to have to beg him at some point to collect the remainder of her belongings from Chloe’s apartment. She debates not bothering with it. Starting fresh. But all her clothes are still there. She may not fit in them in the next couple of months, but that doesn’t mean she doesn’t want them back for after this pregnancy. She misses her favourite flannel. It’s black and red and nothing really that special, but it’s her most comfy one. She’s honestly had it for about three years already, it’s missing a button, has a tiny stain on the collar and a rip on the sleeve that’s been sewn back up more times than she cares to remember – sewing is really not her forte. 

Her beloved collection on converse still remain in the closet, or at least she hopes they do. She had been in such a rush to escape that she had left her note books behind. The notebooks that held thousands of jumbled lyrics and melody ideas. There is no way she could even attempt top replicate what is already on those note pads.

Beca knows it’s cowardly, not going back herself to pick everything up, but being back in Barden is really the last place she wants to be right now. She can’t face Chloe.

*/////////*

Being seven months pregnant is hell for Beca. Her bump had seemingly doubled in size in recent weeks. She can barely see her own feet, she gets out of breath walking up the stairs to her mothers apartment. Though morning sickness disappeared around week seventeen, she still gets nauseous regularly. Heartburn is a bitch, she’s popping rennie’s like they’re tiktacs. She’s not sure why people choose to go through this on purpose. 

Life has just kind of gone on. Her Dad has reached out a couple of times, though she could still feel the tension in every phone call. He never asks her about the pregnancy and for that she is grateful. Most days, she desperately tried to ignore it. Well as best she can when the little alien is using her bladder as a trampoline or sticking a limb into her ribs. The conversations with her dad rarely last more than five minutes, but she guesses she should just be grateful that he hasn’t completely pushed her away. 

She’s received sporadic texts and emails from The Bella’s, usually an invite to a party one of them were throwing since it was now summer, but she assumes that she is just a part of a ‘send to all’ message. It makes her heart hurt a little. Those girls had become her family, and here she is completely ghosting them. 

She misses them like crazy because the only people she knows here are her Mom and Mrs. Johnson the elderly neighbour who occasionally stops by to drop off a home made apple strudel or a chicken pot pie. Though she’s not complaining, that little old lady is an amazing cook and her food definitely beats the healthy salads Ellen has demanded be eaten regularly for dinner each week.

She no longer hears from Chloe. 

The apartment has been quiet for the past two days, after a pretty serious argument between her and her mum. They usually get on well the majority of the time. They’re not in each others pockets, because Ellen works full time and Beca is putting a lot of her time into her music. There’s not much else she can do, so making mixes, writing lyrics and attempting to come up with melodies are what keeps her busy. 

But, over the past few weeks, Ellen has repeatedly dropped hints that she thinks Beca should consider keeping the baby. Every single time, Beca wants to scream. She wants to scream because she has continually explained to her Mom that the baby was being put up for adoption. She’s been through all the processes. She’s gone through packs of information on several families and ultimately now has to make a choice of who the baby will go to once it’s born. 

It feels wrong, on every level. Getting to choose who you think is best suited to adopt a child that you don’t want. She might be carrying this baby, but she doesn’t know it. Doesn’t know it’s personality, or what it’s future likes and dislikes will be, so how do you even work out which couple is more suitable to adopt it? How do you pick out which set of parents may be less likely to get a divorce eventually? She may not want to raise this child, but it is still half her and she’s hate for it to have to go through the things she had. 

It’s all stressful enough without her mother on at her all of the time. Each time Ellen mentions her keeping the baby, the memories flood back of how the baby got to be there. It’s a night she very much wants to forget. It plagues her dreams enough as it is, she doesn’t think she deserves for it to plague her waking state as well. 

It’s Saturday afternoon and Beca and Ellen are taking their usual trip to the store to do a weekly shop. Beca had taken to joining her mom, making sure to get plenty of food that she actually liked. Her Mom had a habit of eating super healthy 90% of the time. Beca much preferred pizza and fries. 

‘’I’m just saying Beca, I think you still need to take a little more time to think this through.’’

The younger brunette audibly sighs from the passenger seat of her Mom’s car. She can feel herself getting more and more agitated. ‘’Mom,’’ she groaned, ‘’we’ve been through this.’’

Ellen let out a long sigh, bringing her thumb and index finger up to pinch at the bridge of her ‘’Right, but I just know you will feel differently once the baby is placed in your arms sweetheart.’’ 

‘’I doubt it.’’ the younger brunette muttered under her breath. She could feel her anger rising but was desperately trying not to be disrespectful. Her mother had let her live with her, had not demanded she get a job to pay rent. She knows her Mom cares.

Ellen quickly turned her head to pointed glare at her daughter. ‘’What was that?’’ she asked quickly, eyes returning back to the road.

‘’I said I doubt it.’’ Beca spoke a little louder whilst still fiddling with the ring on her thumb, spinning it slowly with her thumb and index finger from her other hand. 

‘’I just think…’’

The younger brunette audible growled. Patience clearly having grown thin. ‘’Will you give it a fucking rest for five minutes,’’ she shouted immediately regretting it. Her eyes scrunch shut, momentarily cursing herself for snapping. She’s not sure if it’s months of lack of sleep due to nightmares and flashbacks or if it’s caused by these damn hormones. ‘’ Sorry.’’ 

Ellen huffed, clearly not happy with her daughters outburst. ‘’Well maybe not taking the easy way out will teach you to be responsible in the future.’’ That ‘Mom voice’ takes Beca back to her childhood. Memories of her Mom chastising her for her shitty decisions. 

Beca’s brows furrowed deeply. Her head snapped upwards towards her mother immediately. ‘’What’s that supposed to mean?’’ 

‘’Well…,’’ Ellen started. ‘’Getting yourself knocked up by a one night stand is hardly responsible is it.’’ 

‘’It wasn’t a one night stand.’’ The younger brunette stated, her voice raised once again. She could feel her chest tightening in frustration and irritability. Beca’s aware that her mother doesn’t know the full situation, but it does nothing to prevent her the anger currently coursing through her veins. She can feel her hands shaking as she waits for her mother to either let it go or respond.

‘’It doesn’t matter if it was one night or one hundred nights Beca. If you can’t be sensible enough to use protection then you should take responsibility for the consequences instead of sending my grandbaby off to another family. ‘’ 

‘’I WAS RAPED.’’ She said it much louder than intended. Well, she hadn’t intended to say it at all. Beca’s eyes widened as she brought her hand up to cover her mouth. She wanted to take it back, tell her Mom that she wasn’t raped because she knew one of two things would happen. Her Mom would pity her or she wouldn’t believe her and Beca isn’t sure which is worse. 

The deafening silence that filled the car felt like it lasted for minutes, when in reality it was probably just a couple of seconds. They stared at each other briefly before Ellen returned her gaze to road in front of her. Suddenly, the sound of screeching tyres and her Mom’s arm reaching across her pulled Beca back into the moment. 

It happened so quickly that Beca didn’t know what was happening until heard the loud bang and felt her entire body jolt forward just a small way before the seatbelt locked into place. She thinks she’s screaming but she cant be sure because this simply doesn’t feel real. It’s like some crazy slow motion dream. 

The car is moving sideways and out the corner of her eye she can see another car has T-boned them on the drivers side. She feels frozen in her spot. Unable to fully comprehend exactly what is happening. Her head viciously whacks into the door panel, sending a jolt of pain to her neck and all the way down her back. 

She knows she should hear things. Should hear the background noise, but it feels like her ears are covered by those ear defender things that parents put on their kids at firework displays because everything is muffled. When it feels like everything has come to stop, she desperately attempts to twist her neck round to check on her Mom. 

It hurts, everything hurts. It’s a pain she doesn’t recall ever feeling before, but it’s short lived because in an instant everything goes black.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I now know exactly where this is going...I don't think theres that many more chapters...maybe like 4...I dunno. Anyway, constructive criticism is always welcomed. None of my stuff is Beta'd so hopefully there isn't too many mistakes. Thanks to the people reading this and thanks for the reviews so far.


	12. 12

Just letting the subscribers to my work know that I will currently not be updating this story or writing full stop. 

I had a bit of an uncalled for comment today on another of my stories about the fact that I use British phrases and how I makes it unreadable....to be honest, I’m not here to be judged and it’s just shattered any little amount of confidence that I had in my writing. 

I am severely dyslexic and it takes me a long time to write out the chapters so to get feedback is great....if it’s not Purely judgemental. 

I’m not sure if this will be temporary or permanent but I didn’t want to just disappear and not give an explanation. Will defo still be here reading though 🙂.


	13. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Due to all the kind words from you guys, I decided to finally continue this. If people don’t like it, they don’t need to read it right? .… So, I wrote a 3000+ word chapter that I thought was really good….then my laptop broke. Honestly I was so pissed off that I cried. I had to wait for my new notebook to be delivered and then find a little motivation to re-write it. Anyway, I can only apologise for the wait.

Beca is only vaguely aware of the sirens blaring in the background. It feels like only seconds ago that the other car hit them, but she guesses it must have been longer. She has her eyes slammed shut, too scared to open them and see the damage the wreck has caused. Her chest feels so incredibly tight, stopping her from being able to call out for her Mom and check she is okay.

‘’Miss. Miss, can you hear me?’’ She hears the person trying to get someone’s attention but the words are muffled, as if she is underwater. She thinks it’s her that they are trying to talk to because she can feel someone’s presence near by. 

Beca still doesn’t open her eyes but manages to mutter quietly. ‘’H...hello?’’ Her voice is small and has a slight tremble to it that she can’t prevent happening. She doesn’t want to act scared, even if she is petrified. She’s seen those movies and television programs where there’s a crash and the girl is screaming at the top of her lungs. She always scoffed and rolled her eyes when she saw them, because ‘what the hell will screaming do to help’. Now though, she kind of gets it. If she wasn’t so stubborn and set on having everyone believe that she is ‘tough’, then she would probably be screaming now too because she’s absolutely petrified. 

‘’Hi, can you tell me your name?’’ The voice of the women speaking to her, is level and calm. It kind of reminds her of Chloe. Always calm in a crisis. It doesn’t make her feel any better right now though. 

The brunette takes a deep breath before she answers, desperately willing the trembling to stop. ‘’Beca. Mitchell.’’

‘’Okay, Hi Beca. My names Maya, we’re gonna get you out of here as fast as we possibly can.’’

Beca opens her eyes and slowly turns her head a couple of inches in order to look at the firefighter. She only then notices that the window is completely smashed and the door looks rather misshapen. ‘’Is...is my mom alive?’’ she asked quietly. 

The firefighter looked over the brunettes head towards her colleague and silently questions the status of the other women in the car. When she received a nod, she gently reached out to touch Beca’s shoulder softly. ‘’Your Mom is unconscious right now, but she is breathing.’’

‘’Oh god.’’ Her breathing suddenly speeding up. She could feel her heart beat thumping against her her. ‘’Get her out first.’’

‘’We are gonna get your Mom out first but then we need to cut the car open because I can’t open this door. I really need you to stay calm though Beca. Hughs over here is going to get the cutters, so I will be back shortly.’’ 

‘’No!’’ she shouts just as the firefighter is about to walk away. ‘’Please don’t leave me here.’’ 

The blonde firefighter turns on her heel and sees the look of pure terror on Beca’s face. ‘’Okay.’’ She walks around to the drivers side and waits a couple of minutes for her colleague to safely get Beca’s mother out and onto a stretcher. She eases herself into drivers seat before getting Beca’s attention.‘’How far along are you?’’ she asks, glancing down at the brunettes bump momentarily.

‘’What?’’ 

‘’The pregnancy. How far along?’’

‘’Oh, uh 34 weeks.’’ Sometimes Beca has moments where she totally forgets that she is even pregnant. She puts it down to the fact that she desperately wishes it weren’t true.

‘’Wow, not long left then. Do you know what you’re having?’’

‘’Nope.’’

‘’Want to know a secret?’’ Maya asks. When Beca nods, she waits for the cutters to stop so she doesn’t have to shout over them. ‘’My wife and I just found out that she is pregnant.’’

‘’Congrats. That’s…that’s awesome.’’ 

There’s a slight look of confusion on the firefighters face at the tone Beca has spoken to her in. ‘’You don’t sound so sure about that.’’ 

‘’I, Umm, I’m...I was…’’ Her sentence goes unfinished as Beca passes out. 

‘’Beca. Beca can you hear me?’’ Maya leans over and checks Beca’s pulse, noticing it’s low, she quickly rushes out of the car before shouting, ‘’She’s crashing. Get her out NOW!’’

-//-

By the time Beca arrives at the hospital, her heart rate and blood pressure have returned to normal. She’s taken through to the emergency department to have her injuries assessed. She lays still in the bed whilst doctors rush around her, listing off words that she doesn’t understand. It’s loud and bright and completely overwhelming.

She barely registers the physical pain until she’s being poked and prodded. There’s a sharp shooting pain in her ankle, her head hurts like no other headache she’s ever felt and her stomach feels tight. She knows that the doctors are asking her questions but she can’t seem to find her words.

‘’Miss Mitchell, we are just going to perform an ultrasound. This is going to be cold okay.’’

Beca flinches when cool liquid hits her abdomen, the movement causing the various pains in her body to increase. She slams her eyes shut and grits her teeth, desperately trying not to let her pain show. 

Whilst the doctor moved the sonogram wand over her bump, Beca’s heart rate suddenly picks up and she attempts to push the wand away. Her breathing becomes erratic almost instantly. 

‘’Miss Mitchell, I need you to stay really still, just for a minute or two. I need to check the baby is doing okay and check for any internal bleeding.’’

‘’I want my Mom. I just...I just want my Mom.’’ She tries her hardest to push herself up off the bed, managing to only to sit up and shift a couple of inches – much to the despair of the doctors and nurses around her - before she screams in pain. 

A doctor to her right notices the puddle of blood beneath her, immediately shifting to gently move the brunette back into a laying position. Before Beca can even protest, the brakes on the hospital bed are flicked off and a doctor is shouting for an operating theatre to be prepared. 

-//-

As Beca begins to wake, she can hear the rhythmic sounds of the heart beat monitor she assumes is attached to her. Her eyes are too heavy to open just yet and her entire body aches. The moment she opens her eyes, the lights feel too bright and the smell of anti septic is filling her senses. 

The brunettes is suddenly very aware that there is a tube in her throat and she starts to silently gag, eyes filling with tears as she heaves. There is a nurse by her bed, she can see her talking but the only thing she can hear is her own heart beat, rapidly increasing in chest. 

Moments later there are two more people in her room, both in white coats, rushing towards her as she reaches for the tube that is taped around her mouth, desperately trying to remove it herself. Her hand is gently pulled away as the nurse attempts to calm her down.

‘’I’m going to take this out but you need to stay very still so your throat doesn’t get damaged. Deep breath through your nose for me.’’ One of the doctors says in a stern voice. 

Beca stops moving suddenly, only mildly comforted at the fact that the tube is about to come out. She takes a deep breath in through her nose, slamming her eyes shut at the discomfort of the tube slowly retracting from her throat. Once it’s been removed, Beca immediately coughs, reaching up to rub at her neck attempting to sooth the discomfort she feels. 

‘’How does that feel? Better?’’ the nurse asks. 

Beca could only nod, still attempting to take in her surroundings. ‘’What happened?’’ she whispered. She was so confused in the moment. The last thing she really remembers is being in the emergency room being assessed by a bunch of doctors.

‘’You had some internal bleeding so we did surgery to fix it. We performed a caesarean section. Your daughter is in the NICU. She’s very small but she’s strong. We can take you to see her later today,’’ the doctor on her left explained. 

Truth be told, Beca hadn’t even thought about the baby. She nodded, acknowledging that she had understood. ‘’What about my Mom? Is...Is she okay?’’

‘’Unfortunately your Mom suffered some extensive injuries. She’s in surgery right now. Miss Mitchell, I’m going to be honest with you, her injuries are life threatening but the surgeons will do everything in their power to help her recover.’’

Beca once again felt her heart rate start to race. She could hear the monitor behind her start to pick up. The brunette felt like this was all her fault. If she hadn’t been fighting with her Mom, then she would have seen the other car coming. If she hadn’t shouted that she had been raped then her Mom wouldn’t be fighting for her life on an operating trolley. She felt sick to her to stomach. What if her Mom died. It would be all her fault. 

Without a second thought to the fact she had just had surgery herself and had stitches, Beca tried to push herself up in the bed, ignoring the pain shooting through her, she simply wanted to get out of there. Once again, the nurse and doctor were trying to calm her but all it did was seem to aggravate her more, her arms thrashing around as she was being almost pinned to the bed. The next thing she knows, the second doctor is pushing a syringe into the cannula in her arm and suddenly all her limbs felt heavy and weak before she calms and passes out. 

-//-

The following day went by in a blur for Beca. The sedation had kicked her ass. No matter how hard she tried, she could barely keep her eyes open for more than five minutes at a time. She was vaguely aware of having her vitals and incision checked regularly and pain relief administered. 

Though she was pretty out of it, she knows that the various nurses had talked her through everything when she was awake. Her Mom was out of surgery, and seemingly doing as well as she could be considering the injuries she sustained. She remembers them telling her that her emergency contact had been contacted and would be here as soon as they could.

Her heart dropped. She and her Dad hadn’t exactly had the closest relationship, especially over the last few months. She just couldn’t predict how he was going to act towards her when he finally got there. 

The following day, Beca woke, attempting to rub the sleep from her eyes as the nurse spoke softly to her, explaining that she had a visitor. She was still so drained that she immediately let her eyes close again, not in any rush to wake fully.

A few seconds later, she heard a familiar voice. ‘’Hey stranger.’’ That voice was so soft and there was no question in the brunettes mind of who it belonged to. She slowly reopened her eyes, moving her head to the side slightly, staring her visitor in the eyes. 

With tears glistening in her eyes, threatening to spill, Beca released a deep shuddering breath. ‘’Hey Chlo,’’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m not sure it’s very good but I am hoping it helps move this story forward. Let me know what you think.
> 
> Anyone else recognise the tiny cross over characters I used? :)


End file.
